Traffic Still Sucks and China is Still Sticking It To Us

Local news is really slow this week, but with the break in the heat, you can expect violent crime to get back to situation normal.

Traffic is bad and getting worse, according to the Cincinnati Enquirer. No kidding. I-75 has been by far the suckiest piece of road in the Greater Cincinnati area since like 1985, I’m glad OKI, ODOT, and KDOT are finally catching on to this fact. Apparently, the cut in the hill is the worst traffic spot in the area. Wow, with the daily semi-truck flippings, I would never have guessed that. The second worst spot is from Shepherd Lane to Ronald Reagan, which shows how much the author of that article knows. I drive that stretch every day and traffic doesn’t break until you get to the Norwood Lateral, which is about 2 miles south of Ronald Reagan. It’s just slow enough for the Jim Beam plant to invade my car with its stench and make me gag repeatedly. This is sadly not an exaggerated fact, there are mornings when I start to panic and think I’m not going to make it. The paper says this traffic is only going to get much worse between now and 2030, and there are plans to start highway expansions. Well, that’s great, because at the speed Hamilton County moves on road work, if they start next spring it’ll be at least 2035 before it every gets done. Hmm, and they wonder why everyone is moving closer to Dayton.

In world news, parents can expect a 10% increase in the cost of toys this Christmas season, because Mattel can’t be expected to keep the lead out of your toys without your extra money. Parents believe it’s worth the extra money to keep their kids safe. Personally, I think this calls for a boycott more than it calls for the latest Tickle Me Elmo. You’re paying for something that should’ve been done to begin with, and that’s stupid and this is price gouging. The government is raping us for the price of gas and now Mattel is going to rape parents for the price of Christmas? Ahh, the beauty of a capitalistic society. By the way, I don’t know why this is all of the sudden at the forefront of the news, Baby Einstein toys got in trouble years ago for their high lead content and it was widely publicized then that toys from China were full of lead. As for me, I’m going to start blaming Barbie for my own mental retardation.

That’s pretty much it, the news is sloooooooow this week. Is it time for a full moon yet?