Spring Break, Smokin’ Grannies and Baby Bats

It’s Spring Break so I’ll reward you all with TWO blogs today. Can we say YAY!? Just so you know, everytime I say spring break I want to lift up my shirt. WOO! Honky gone wild!

So, I was perusing through the local news this morning and I see that one of the victims of the “Blue-Eyed Rapist�? is whining that it is taking too long to bring this lamer to justice. Now, I’m sorry that she was violated, but as I recall my house was robbed just days after she was raped and the CSI lady that came to my house told me, “It could take a while to process this case. There’s only one crime lab for the Cincinnati area and when there’s a double rape a home invasion where no one was injured isn’t really a priority.�? So, to this woman I say, at least someone made an effort to FIND your perpetrator. Still, NO KUDOS to Cincinnati Police. NONE.

In more uplifting news, Middletown is FULL of geniuses. Anyone who’s ever been to a retail establishment in Middletown will tell you that the whole town only has about 200 teeth and even fewer brain cells. A man being arraigned on bank robbery charges decided that it was a good idea to scream and curse at the judge. One contempt of court charge later he was awarded 90 days in jail. See Allen curse, see Allen go to jail, dumb Allen, dumb.

One of CNN’s headlines is, “Britney’s Antics Make Kevin Look Like a Good Dad�?. Thanks CNN, we established that fact when she shaved her head, thanks for keeping up.

Here’s one for the kids! A British grand-mammy who CNN has dubbed, “Cannabis Granny�?, is using marijuana to add flavor to her foods. She also claims that it helps her aches and pains. She uses it on her eggs, in casseroles, and in her yummy hot chocolate. Who needs sugar when you can have pot chocolate? She thinks England needs to move into the 21^st century with countries like Canada, Spain, or Italy where it is apparently legal to grow 1 cannabis plant for the use of the family. Too bad boomin’ granny has already been arrested several years ago for growing more than one plant with the intent to distribute. Therefore, I declare that defense null and void. She should hook up with the Texas teen who gave his nephews weed. His defense is equally as amusing, “Those kids were going to smoke one way or another anyways. The media is just blowing it up�?. YOU GAVE A TWO YEAR OLD WEED! Anyways, back to granny, this is all begging the question, does she eat because she likes the ganja, or does she eat the ganja and therefore she likes to eat?

Meanwhile, on the proper side of the pond a Pennsylvania woman plead guilty to aggravated assault and endangering the welfare of a child. She used her child as a weapon against her baby daddy! She swung her 4 week old son like a baseball bat during an argument with her boyfriend and while the extent of the boyfriend’s injuries aren’t specified the baby received a fractured skull. Momma says she’s depressed, I say, “You swung your child like a baseball bat!�?. I truly believe that as this child was flying through the air he was crying, “Daddy! Punch her in the baby maker!!�? Enjoy the mugshot.