Put Your Phone Down
Seriously, you are not that important. I hate people (especially soccer moms) who are driving around with a phone stuck to their ear as if it has just been surgically attached. Sometimes I see people driving in a particular helmet special way and I half expect them to look at me with in a panic and mouth, “I can’t hang up, the car will blow up.” Kind of like the movie Speed, only more retarded. If you have problems with that whole walk and chew gum thing you REALLY should consider avoiding more life threatening tasks like talking and driving. And by life threatening tasks I mean I’m tired of playing “dodge cars” with you on the highway, so understand your limits and park it.
I’ve been known to have a little road rage after being stuck by someone on a cell phone. My road rage includes/is not limited to: shaking my fist angrily, riding next to you honking my horn in a lame attempt to interrupt your conversation (I want the person on the phone to ask why there’s a horn blaring and I want them to know you are stupid), or on a nice day when the windows are down I might yell out, “you suck at driving..hang it up already!” or “you are not this important, you’re not even cool, put the phone down.”
I know you’re all thinking, “hmm, go crazy much” and the answer is no. I’m not psycho, I have a very low tolerance for stupid. You know good and well when you are driving stupid and maybe you should hang up. I know this because I know when I need to get off the phone. If you’re stuck in traffic, moving 3 inches an hour, go ahead, call everyone in your phone. If you’re weaving in and out of traffic, in a snow storm, in a 1985 Camaro, hang it up, unless you’re a doctor and it’s an emergency, which prompts me to ask why a doctor is driving a 1985 Camaro.
Along the same lines of cell phone drivers, cell phone pee-ers. What is THAT all about? If you’re in a public restroom, I don’t want to hear your physiologic Niagara Falls along with why your boyfriend hates you this week or how your cat puked in your grandma’s hair or how a pig ate your prom dress. I don’t care. I absolutely couldn’t care less about your cousins ex-boyfriends great aunt! Sometimes people really drive me insane.
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