One Stray Pea

Nearly all 85 players at the Baltimore Ravens mini-camp were involved in a brawl over pretty much nothing. Apparently someone was tackled, and then people started throwing punches. However, the guy throwing punches (initially) was not the guy who was tackled. At least this is what I can gather from the NFL.com article. I should probably just go ahead and blame this on old Brian too. If no one else, can we at least blame Cam Cameron? With a name (and record) that bad, he probably starts controversy to divert attention.

This nugget is sweet. Christ Henry wants to go play in Dallas. You know, the same Dallas that acquired Pacman Jones. Please Jesus, let this dream come true! Can you imagine? T.O. would be in a corner somewhere CRYING while Pacman and Henry were being arrested..daily. Chris stopped punching people in the face long enough to mention that he would also like to go play in New Orleans, but this isn’t funny as they have nothing to lose…besides 16 games. I’m glad that Chris has taken time to dream big during his house arrest. It’s worth noting here that Dallas has not shown any interest in Chris, perhaps its the hair?

Cincinnati continues its quest for the dumb. Shaun Alexander wants to come to Cincinnati, but why should they bother? When you already have 4 running backs, why acquire another? It’s not as if Cincinnati needs to replenish it’s linebackers or anything..not with the  laughable potential of Odell returning. Don’t you think the Bengals should take notes from the Reds? Don’t you remember the last time this town brought a hometown boy back from Seattle? Disaster. The best thing Shaun Alexander has to look forward to in this town is injured reserve.

Finally, the biggest jokes come from the Chicago Bears. GM Jerry Angelo calls Cedric Benson’s arrest, “not good for business”. You know, because Rex is. Oh wait, Kyle Orton is going to trump Rexie this year and obtain the starting position. Yes, also good for business. Why doesn’t Lovie just let Brian Urlacher throw? I mean, at least the dismal QB performances would make sense then.

By the way, did you hear Jay Cutler has diabetes? It’s the reason he was so terrible last season. Apparently it is very difficult to throw a football when one is in a diabetic coma.

PS - Congratulations to J.P. Losman, (who’s whining has rivaled Chad Johnson’s) not only does your entire team hate you but you’re STILL not being traded.

Filed under: Nonsense, Sports on May 12th, 2008 | 2 Comments »

Headline reads: “Reds GM Krivsky Out, Former Cards GM Jocketty In

How many GM’s and coaches does this team need to go through before they realize there are bigger problems? The better question is, when does the rest of the team get released?

Filed under: Sports on April 23rd, 2008 | No Comments »

Ahhh, my little Skeletor appears to have a bright future ahead. With this economy, this is entirely possible (and still less demeaning than pole dancing)

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Filed under: Vacation on April 13th, 2008 | No Comments »

Guitar Hero and a pregnant belly don’t mix. You think this is silly? I’m completely serious! Skeletor has grown at LUDICROUS SPEED! these past two weeks and all of the sudden I have to hold the guitar off to the side or else the evil lord of destruction kicks the guitar away from my hands.

I thought kids were supposed to be teenagers before they started sucking the all joy from your life…….

Filed under: Family, Nonsense, Squawk Box on April 13th, 2008 | No Comments »

Remember when the Bengals released Chris Henry after his like…fortieth arrest and no one cared?

The better headline yesterday was “Man shot in rear end in West End”. Seriously. It was actually funnier than “Chris Henry loses job while in jail.” The even BETTER story was that earlier this week several of the Bengals players were kicked out of “Bang” nightclub (there’s a nightclub called Bang? why?). Apparently a security officer at the club called for backup saying “We’ve got some Bengals in here, Chris Henry, Chad Johnson and them”. Let it be known, Chad was NOT in da club. Which is really funny, considering if he was there, you would know. This security officer is probably the sharpest guy at Bang. Apparently players were lifting up women’s skirts and hanging from a chandelier in the back room (subsequently ruining the ceiling). I’m glad the Bengals are taking notes on classy behavior from the Vikings…..

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Filed under: Life in Cincinnati, Nonsense, Sports on April 4th, 2008 | No Comments »

Yesterday my mom invited me to tag along with her to the fabric store. Because I put a LOT of effort into procrastinating, I chose to go out rather than stay home and study like a good girl would (NOTE: I’m blogging, I’m still not studying). This turned into a whole day event because you can never go to just one fabric store, OH NO! You must go to THREE. Ok, so one was totally my suggestion, because again, I need to procrastinate.

So, we get to the store I had suggested and I am looking at some sock monkey fabric and this random woman comes up and screams in my ear, “THEY HAVE SOCK MONKEY FABRIC!”. You know those V-8 commericals where they slap people in the head? I had a mental image of something similar, although I would’ve slapped her with a bolt of fabric. So I left the aisle and went up to the clearance section. When I came back down this random woman goes, “Did you see her shirt?!” I was wearing a t-shirt with an appliqued flower on it, and this woman goes “can I see your shirt?”. Because I’m not a total jerk, I said yes. Apparently she needed to braille it out, because the next thing I know she has her hand on my chest touching said flower. Yo, chief, look with your eyes not with your hands on my boobs. She started telling me some story about craft camp, and I ended up walking away. I was too creeped out.

Lesson of the day: Don’t talk to strangers. Especially not when you are out with your mom and she wanders away so she can stand in another aisle and point and laugh at you. Also, strangers might molest you in the fabric store next to the nursery prints and that’s 37 kinds of wrong.

Filed under: Nonsense, Procrastination on February 10th, 2008 | 3 Comments »

“New Orleans defensive end Charles Grant was stabbed in the neck, and a pregnant woman was shot and killed early Sunday in an altercation at a nightclub in southwest Georgia.”

Ok, I would expect to find an offseason football player in a night club. Heck, in Cincinnati you would expect to find them in a night club 12 hours before game time! However, what on earth was a pregnant lady doing at a night club?! Keep this one in mind kids, stay in school and don’t go to night clubs when you’re pregnant. They’re full of smoke and people with guns..and knives.

In other news, how ’bout them Giants?! Lawrence Tynes is somewhere thanking the heavens that it didn’t come down to a game winning field goal. Tom Brady is somewhere CRYING.

Filed under: Nonsense, Procrastination, Sports on February 3rd, 2008 | No Comments »

Let’s hold hands and shed a tear, this is the last installment of my predictions. And in the unlikeliest of scenarios, I’m going against my fake husband, Eli. I know! I’m shocked too! I never thought I’d see the Giants in the Super Bowl this year. Now here it is, and tomorrow we might be seeing Plaxico CRYING. I’m talking like T.O. crying. That’s my team, dawg.

Speaking of Plaxico, he ran his mouth, which prompted all sorts of drama, not to mention F bombs from Tom Coughlin. Meanwhile, back in his crib, Tom Brady was crying and taking it personally. And suddenly Randy Moss believed himself to be the least mouthy, most unselfish player in all of football? What is going on here? I’ll tell you what’s going on, sadly the Patriots are going to win..probably by 7. I’m guessing something like 28-21.

Oh, and don’t think this means you won’t have to hear about the ‘72 Dolphins anymore. You will. And it will be just as lame as every other time you had to hear about them. As if there is some new news about the ‘72 Dolphins? Guess what, after 36 years they STILL went undefeated. Dumb.

Filed under: Sports on February 3rd, 2008 | 1 Comment »

All of this hullabaloo about Tom Brady’s boot is stupid. Old Bill has listed Cheeks on the injured list since like 2004. And he’s played every week. Let’s be honest, is there a chance Tom won’t play in the Super Bowl? Not unless he gets hit by a bus. Even then, he’d still be listed as probable.

Filed under: Sports on January 27th, 2008 | No Comments »

This is exactly the kind of news story I expect to come out of Cincinnati. A College Hill man beat up a woman with terminal cancer over $10. That would be $10 for beer to be exact. Heaven forbid a person be able to walk down the street AND have cancer. The nerve of some people.

Filed under: Life in Cincinnati on January 24th, 2008 | No Comments »