Ok Cincinnati, you’ve made your point, you’re terrible…you can win a game now. Even Oakland has won games. Perhaps Carson is just waiting for his turn to get staph. Seriously, are these boys washing their wounds with Ohio River water?!?!?!?!
Oakland Raiders vs. Baltimore Ravens
Speaking of Oakland, they really pulled a fast one on old Brett’s team by winning last week. They probably won’t be pulling a fast one on Joe Flacco this week. Not unless Ray Lewis tears his triceps tendon again. Ravens by 10. I’m going to miss Lane Kiffin……maybe he can coach the Bengals next year.
Arizona Cardinals vs. Carolina Panthers
If you had told me that in week 8 the Cardinals would be sitting at 4-2, the Bengals 0-7, I would’ve punched you in the face. However here we are, and the Panthers are also 5-2. Further proving how out of control things have gotten in the NFL. This week I anticipate seeing the Panthers move to 6-2, because regardless of their record, the NFC West is a terrible division and cannot be counted on to win games. Carolina by 17.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Dallas Cowboys
Another thing I wouldn’t have done 8 weeks ago is choose Tampa Bay over Dallas. However, that was before Antonio was out with an injury to his “right finger”…as opposed to the wrong one? And “right finger” makes it sound as if he has only one finger on his right hand, which would make him amazing. But he has all 5, intact, except for that paper cut..which makes him just your average cry baby. Tampa Bay by 14.
Washington Redskins vs. Detroit Lions
In this league there are few things you can count on, Detroit losing is one of them. Regardless of Kitna’s injured back, the Lions never had a chance in this game. The Redskins are on fire and will continue to prove that they are actually better than St. Louis, that loss was just a fluke. Redskins by 24.
Buffalo Bills vs. Miami Dolphins
I think that Ronnie Brown trick might have worn out it’s wow factor. I also think that regardless of how I feel about the Bills this season, they are still going to beat the Dolphins. The only hope Miami has is that JP Losman (second most sacked QB in the NFL…and he hasn’t even really played cried since early last season) gets to play. Bills by…..17.
St. Louis Rams vs. New England Patriots
Will crazy ole’ Bill try to run up the score again and risk the health of….his entire defense? Will Brady stop by and rub his staph knee all over Marc Bulger? At 2-4, the Rams are second in the NFC West, I told you it was a terrible division. This winning streak is an outrage. It’s also about to end. If the Brady-less Patriots can defeat the Broncos 41-7, and then turn around and lose to the Rams…..they should be banned from football until Pacman is allowed to play again…and then as punishment, they should be forced to put him on the team. Patriots by 21.
San Diego Chargers vs. New Orleans Saints
Way to send our best to represent, now Philly can just go cry in another country. Since the Chargers have decided that winning is optional this season, I think I’m going to pick the Saints. That and the Saints are closer to their own time zone than the Chargers are in this game..which is really my reason for picking them. Saints by 3.
Kansas City Chiefs vs. New York Jets
Larry Johnson is “disgusted” with himself. Well Larry. we’re disgusted too. We’re kinda disgusted at your whole team actually, but you in particular. Tyler Thigpen will be the starting QB for Kansas City, I know..we’ve never heard of him either. The old Unicorn will of course be on the field for the Jets..he’s kind of like that guy who keeps coming back to high school long after graduation isn’t he? This is a no brainer, Jets by 24.
Atlanta Falcons vs. Philadelphia Eagles
What has gotten into Atlanta? Winning games and stuff! Same old, same old for Philly, Brian Westbrook game time decision..he’s always a game time decision. Andy Reid needs some new tricks. Even at home, I don’t trust the Eagles to win this game. Yes, I just picked Atlanta..by 3..McNabb to cry later, not on camera like his BFF T.O.
Cleveland Browns vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
Kellen Winslow runs mouth, doesn’t get traded…just benched. Good call, Kellen. If I had to guess, I’d say that Derek Anderson is going to get used to the taste of turf this week. Perhaps he should call up that Fat Kid from Findlay and ask how to remove grass stains from his face. The Jaguars are going to walk over the Browns with no problem this week. Jaguars by 14.
Cincinnati Bengals vs. Houston Texans
The Texans are on a huge winning streak. You know, they’ve won 2 games..which is 2 more games than Cincinnat has won. With Carson still nursing his elbow, we’ll be forced to watch Fitzpatrick act as if it’s his first time on the field for the third straight week. The good news is Cedric Benson has been running the ball more than Chris Perry which has really reduced Cincinnati’s game costing fumbles in the fourth quarter. The Bengals are hoping to get a win this week…because it’s pretty much their only hope of getting one this season at this point. Bengals by 3..please..come on guys, put your big boy pants on and get it together.
New York Giants vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
The Giants physical defense will prove they are at least better than the Steelers horrid O-line. I anticipate seeing lots of defense from the Giants and a stumbling, confused Troy Polamalu dancing on the side lines. Seriously, he got knocked stupid last week, he’s going to go the way of Troy Aikman…and end up calling games and sounding stupid on Fox. Perhaps he should call Santonio Holmes and ask about self medicating. Heh heh. Giants by 10!
Seattle Seahawks vs. San Francisco 49′ers
I can’t believe I’m making this call, but the 49′ers are going to win. Without Matt Hasselbeck, the Seahawks are just another terrible team. Plus, their lime green shoelaces tend to annoy me. It’s all so sad, because I really like Mike Holmgren. 49′ers by 3…I mean, they’ll win but they’re still terrible.
Indianapolis Colts vs. Tennessee Titans
I will not be siding with Manning in this game. Sorry Peyton, but your team isn’t as hot as they should be this year and the Titans are still undefeated. Even Eli has lost a game (to the Brown’s…hurl). Even with Kerry Collins the Titans just keep on winning, who saw that coming? Titans by 10.