One Stray Pea

Last week was ugly for a lot of should’ve looked better teams. Let’s hope for a better outcome this week.

Green Bay Packers vs. Detroit Lions *NFC North*

So last week I chose the Lions. What an incredibly dumb move. It not only made me look like an idiot in front of those 3 people who read my blog on a semi-regular basis (that includes me), it also got me kicked out of my Survival Football league. Thanks Detroit for really putting a damper on my season. Meanwhile Aaron Rogers (aka – guy you never would’ve heard of without Brett Favre’s indecisiveness) looked like a veteran Pro-Bowler. Lions don’t stand a chance, Green Bay by 17.

New York Giants vs. St. Louis Rams

This is a no brainer. The Rams are looking for a repeat of last season I think, and I don’t think they even have a chance to win until week 9 when they face the Cardinals. Even then, it’s only because everyone has a chance to win against the Cardinals..except the 49’ers. Eli and friends don’t even have to bring their A game to win by 14.

New Orleans Saints vs. Washington Redskins

Last week the Redskins were embarrassed on the road, this week they get to be embarrassed at home! While I don’t think New Orleans is quite a powerhouse, I don’t believe Jim Zorn is going to be putting up his first career W this week. Clinton Portis can only do so much, and that won’t be enough to top Drew Brees and friends this week. New Orleans by 7.

Buffalo Bills vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

The Bills beat the Seahawks and suddenly they’re playoff contenders? Doubtful. I expect the Jaguars to remind us of the Bills we’ve grown to love. And by love I mean, we’re wishing you off to Toronto so we can pretend you’re part of the CFL. The Jags are probably still angry about their loss last week. We’ll see the Jags for their home opener, when they win by 14. Is JP Losman still around? I haven’t heard him crying lately.

Tennessee Titans vs. Cincinnati Bengals

The Bengals aren’t giving up on the run, and considering how ineffective it’s been, that should be enough to send Bob Bratowski looking for a new job. Have no fear fans, he’ll still be here next year, running Chris Perry up the middle, into a block for a loss of 3. Let’s face it, Vince Young’s injury is the Bengals best chance of winning this game, especially if they stick with the run. With fingers crossed I say Cincinnati by 3.

Oakland Raiders vs. Kansas City Chiefs *AFC West*

The Raiders can’t win at home, what makes them think they can win on the road at Arrowhead? Damon Huard likes to play the role of the forgotten hero. He only gets to play when someone is injured to the point of near death. Then it turns out he’s not THAT bad, he’s just old..and people are tired of watching old guys play football (Warner, Favre..Testaverde don’t you even come back again!). However, even old people can beat the Raiders, Chiefs by 14.

Chicago Bears vs. Carolina Panthers

The Panthers looked phenomenal against the Chargers, the Bears beat the Colts. Two things that should’ve never happened in the regular season. You know what else won’t happen in the regular season? The Panthers beating the Bears. Orton or not, the Panthers barely have what it takes to roll out of bed in the morning, much less beat the Bears. It hurts me to say this, Urlacher’s friends by 10. They’re Urlacher’s friends because the Bears are the only team in the NFL who believe offense is optional.

Indianapolis Colts vs. Minnesota Vikings

Everyone is making a huge deal about which of these teams will start 0-2. Let me make it easy for you, it’ll be Minnesota. You’ve seen Tavaris Jackson right? He’s as capable of leading this football team as I am of building an ark. So the Bears defense ate them alive and some how Kyle Orton looked mildly talented, it’s still the Colts. They’ll knock the rust off this week and win by 14.

Atlanta Falcons vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers *NFC South*

Jeff Garcia (and his bad attitude) have been benched this week for the only quarterback Chicago should’ve kept. Meanwhile, Matt Ryan brings his team to town on a huge high after beating Detroit. Hey fellas, it was Detroit. Congratulations, you beat one of the few teams in the NFL worse than you. I think Brian Griese is perfectly capable of defeating the Falcons here, but not by much. Tampa Bay by 7.

San Francisco 49’ers vs. Seattle Seahawks *NFC West*

Regardless of how terrible they looked last week (to the Bill…ugh), the Seahawks will look like superstars this week. Why? Because they’re playing the 49’ers, who much like the Raiders, seem to be in a constant state of disarray that they nicely call “rebuilding”. With Alex Smith out and replaced by some guy you’ve never heard of, who’s been floating around the league since 2002, I predict a blow out at Qwest Field, by 28.

San Diego Chargers vs. Denver Broncos *AFC West*

Someone must’ve passed along my memo to Shawne Merriman that playing football with 2% knee stability is probably a really bad idea. Also, losing to the Panthers at home is probably a really bad idea. The Chargers aren’t very consistent at the beginning of the season for some reason, and that combined with playing at Invesco Field at Mile High means I won’t be picking them this week. Denver by 10. Oh, and can someone get Phil some oxygen, he won’t be able to breath and cry at the same time.

Baltimore Ravens vs. Houston Texans

Good news for fans, this game is being postponed until Monday night, which means no one will be watching this battle of mediocrity. Sorry, but neither of these teams are worth watching when they’re the only game on TV, much less when we can watch Dallas vs. Philly. Taking into consideration the aging Baltimore defense, I’ll give the Texans a win, by 3, in the final seconds of the game. Where’s Troy?

Miami Dolphins vs. Arizona Cardinals

While Battle of Mediocrity goes on in Houston, Battle of the Suck will be going on in Arizona. The Cardinals are too inconsistent to be a sure win over the Dolphins. On the flip side, this might be the Dolphins best chance for a win for several weeks. Oh, who are we kidding, Arizona by 3. It’ll be a nail biter for those 4 people who care about either of these teams.

New England Patriots vs. New York Jets *AFC East*

The Jets have never been more excited. After realizing how terrible they were last year, Eric Mangini started, “Spy Gate”. After realizing how terrible they were going to be this year, Eric Mangini put out a hit on Tom Brady. Let’s be honest, Matt Cassell is the Jets best chance at a win. Remember last year when Matt Cassell came in against the Dolphins just long enough to throw an interception and Ole’ Bill placed him right back on the bench where he belongs? Well, he’ll probably throw more interceptions tomorrow but it won’t matter, Tom Brady was injured, but the entire team didn’t die..and Favre or not, the Jets are still the Jets. New England by 7.

Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Cleveland Browns *AFC North*

What? Cleveland on a Sunday Night? The dog pound will be exploding with hopes and dreams of another winning season. It’ll stop there. Between injuries and staph infections, the Browns chances of another 10-6 season are slim to none. Meanwhile, that fat kid from Findlay gets to be the lone over rated quarterback for the season now that Brady is gone. Ugh, picking the Steelers 2 weeks in the row makes me feel yucky. Steelers by 14.

Meanwhile: MRSA 1, Browns 0.

Philadelphia Eagles vs. Dallas Cowboys *NFC East*

This game has been so hyped up, and for the life of my I can’t figure out why. Is it because of the fierce division rivalry? Is it because T.O. gets to play against his old team? Or are we all on pins and needles waiting for Andy Reid’s head to explode? Donovan McInjured had his one good game of the season already, and it’s only week 2. That’s what happens when you play the Rams in week 1. Antonio will have to stop helping old ladies across the street for a few hours, just long enough to send it to T.O in the end zone. Cowboys by 24, Andy Reid’s systolic blood pressure up by 50.

Filed under: Sports on September 12th, 2008