NFL Week 11: My Predictions

Miami Dolphins vs. Philadelphia Eagles

The Dolphins get Ricky Williams back. Not that it will matter. Cam Cameron is giving John Beck his first start, can’t hurt..we saw how well Trent Green and Cleo Lemon worked out. Not that this will matter either. The Eagles rely on a 2 person offense (and trust me, it’s offensive) of Donovan McIrritable and a questionable Brian Westbrook. And I STILL think the Eagles will win by 10.

 Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Atlanta Falcons *NFC South Match-Up*

Bobby Petrino won’t say who his starting QB is for Sunday. Good Bobby, use some trickery. I’m sure the Bucs defense is shaking in their cleats at the thought of Byron OR Joey. Wow, there’s intimidation. I pick the Bucs by 14, and I’m crossing my fingers for another DeAngelo Hall temper tantrum.  

 Cleveland Browns vs. Baltimore Ravens *AFC North Match-Up*

Brian Bellick says Steve McNair is out for the next 2-3 weeks for a “shoulder injury�?. I believe Brian reads my blogs and he understands that the world is tired of Steve. Which means we get to watch Kyle Boller help the Ravens lose instead. The Browns are ridiculous this year, which means they are good. I hate to say that. Browns by 21, and I hope Romeo Crennel does the “Truffle Shuffle�?. Yeah, you know what I’m talkin’ about.

 San Diego Chargers vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

Even though the entire team (and 67% of America) hate Norv Turner, the Chargers seem to be turning it around this season. Meanwhile, the Jaguars are taking their season in stride and not sucking terribly. This really just means that unless Jack Del Rio pulls a Tonya Harding on LT before the game, the Jaguars don’t stand a chance. Chargers by 14.

 New Orleans Saints vs. Houston Texans

In the battle of evenly matched southerners who will win? Drew Brees or some dude named Schaub? I’m saying some dude. Do you need to know why? The Saints blew it against the Rams last week and I lost all faith in them, that’s why. As if I need to explain myself to you anyways. Texans by 7.

 Kansas City Chiefs vs. Indianapolis Colts

Indy will NOT drop 3 in a row. I repeat, they will NOT drop 3 in a row. Eli’s brother just won’t stand for it. With Larry Johnson out, the injured Colts have less to worry about as well. That being said, Colts come back with a vengeance and win by 20. Wait..that means Vinatieri will have to hit a field goal..GET IT TOGETHER ADAM!!

 New York Giants vs. Detroit Lions

Which team will drop 2 in a row? History tells me to pick Detroit, as does my love for Eli. Let’s cross our fingers that we see Plaxico this week. In which case I pick the Giants by 7.

 Carolina Panthers vs. Green Bay Packers

Brett Farve! He’s amazing this season. I think the same guy who rebuilt Teddy Brusci built us a new Brett robot in the off season. Do I think Carolina even has a chance? Not really. They’re a little beat up and they’re playing against the guy who I will affectionately start referring to as the magical unicorn of football. Yup, I said it. Packers by 21.

 Oakland Raiders vs. Minnesota Vikings

With Adrian Peterson out, the Raiders might have a chance here. Daunte Culpepper is still grasping at career straws, getting another chance to start this week. However, those Raiders are beat up and not overly talented. You could probably say the same about the Vikings though, since they are the home team, I give them the win but only by 3.

 Arizona Cardinals vs. Cincinnati Bengals

Eastern teams have difficulty playing out west, so shouldn’t the same be true for western teams playing in the east (or Midwest)? Let’s hope so. The Bengals look healthy this week, the Cardinals also look fairly healthy, even though they lost Bertrand Berry for the season. This doesn’t mean a lot, because the Cardinals are the most inconsistent team I’ve ever seen. But we all know that I will pick the Bengals, and pick them by 10 I do.

 Pittsburgh Steelers vs. New York Jets

Here’s a joke, the Steelers schedule this season. They’re playing practically college teams. Oh, and I’m so glad Big Ben could dry hump Hines Ward last week. What a couple of douche faces. Meanwhile the Jets are well rested after their bye week, you know..to lose. Sigh..Steelers to continue the easiest schedule in football by 21.

 Chicago Bears vs. Seattle Seahawks

Rexie is back at the helm! Chicago, your ship is sinking. Lovie Smith says he’s going with who gives him the best chance for a win. Did Brian Griese’s arm fall off? How is Rex your best bet ever? Mike Holmgren’s got a winning strategy too, keep the ball away from Devin Hester. Well, if Seattle can do that, and not throw any interceptions I think they will do fine. Seattle by 10.

 St. Louis Rams vs. San Francisco 49’ers *NFC West Match-Up*

Wow! This could turn out to be a good game. Two of the worst teams in the NFL playing each other in a division match up. Mike Nolan needs a break, coaching a bad team and losing his dad and all. The Rams stunned the world by ruining their perfect season, and they’ve kissed the playoffs good-bye, they’re just playing for fun at this point. I am actually going to chose the Rams by 7.

 Washington Redskins vs. Dallas Cowboys *NFC East Match-Up*

Unless there’s some sort of Cowboys offense liquidation the Redskins don’t stand a chance here. You think I’m joking Bill Scowher? Do ya? That jolly Santa of a coach Wade Phillips could also do the truffle shuffle as far as I’m concerned. The Redskins couldn’t beat Philly or the Giants, heck, they barely beat the Jets! They’re also banged up. Really, if the Cowboys win by less than 21, they are having a bad week.

 New England Patriots vs. Buffalo Bills *AFC East Match-Up*

What a horribly lame Sunday night game. I’m not kidding, this is terrible. Ooooo, JP Losman is starting. Yeah, against a defense that would eat him for a snack, and then just make their way through the other terrible quarterbacks in the AFC east (Ahem, Chad Pennington anyone?) Anyways, I don’t know whose idea this game was for a Sunday night but I really think the Giants/Lions or Bears/Seahawks match-up would be better fits. Not because they’re so exciting, but it’s a more even match. New England by 24, a smile from Cheeks, and a sour-faced Billy Belichick.

 Tennessee Titans vs. Denver Broncos

Denver is at home, which means Vince Young won’t be able to rush as much as usual. At least not without needing oxygen between plays. I don’t know who is going to win here, but I believe it will be close. What little sense I have says to pick the Titans by 3.