One Stray Pea

So, I’m a jury target. You think I’m kidding? I’ve been called for jury duty three times in four years in two counties. My husband has fallen victim to my curse, as he received his summons for Grand Jury this week. I cannot wait to call the Butler County sheriff’s department when I go into labor and beg them to get my husband out of court. So anyways, the jury loves me.

Four years ago, just before my wedding I was placed on a 10 day medical malpractice trial. Allow me to sum it up for you: 10 days of listening to arrogant doctors talk about how fantastic they are because they’ve been published, meanwhile no one could explain why the doctor involved actually did anything wrong! However, $12.5 million would’ve made the plaintiff ( A.K.A. family of the deceased) feel better. You know what would’ve made ME feel better? Not flushing two weeks of my life down the toilet because some walking time bomb had a heart attack. In his next life, I hope that guy takes better care of himself or at least doesn’t lie to his doctors. Lying to your doctors really doesn’t help your case in the jury room. As foreman of that jury I’m proud to say we actually spent more time eating pizza and making fun of the lawyers than we did deliberating. Frivolous law suits make me wish for better checks and balances in our justice system.

About a year and a half later I was called for jury duty in Hamilton County. Luckily my status as a student prevented me from having to serve. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the jury duty itself that bothers me (although, seriously..is minimum wage too much to ask?!) it’s the extreme stupidity you’re exposed to not only from other potential jurors but from the people involved in the case as well that annoys me. Further proving we have not evolved as people, if anything..we’re regressing.

A few weeks ago I was called for jury duty again. When I’m told to be there at 8:30, I’m on time. The court can’t tell time, as we weren’t moved to the court room and seated until  nearly 10:45. For over two hours I was subjected to the smartest people Hamilton had to offer. I was ready to stab myself before I ever even entered the courtroom. Of course they placed me on the jury, because who wouldn’t want a 7 1/2 month pregnant lady on their jury?! This case wasn’t civil, it was criminal. Oh, it was criminal alright, criminally dumb. It was the rape case with no evidence of rape. Brought to you in part by Hamilton, pitchforks and the letter L (for liar). I’ll spare you all the details and leave it at this: teenage girls should learn to get their stories straight, hillbillies will storm your house for any reason so watch your stuff, and Hamilton police are one step above Cincinnati police on the OneStrayPea competence scale.

As foreman of THIS jury (it’s going on my resume now) I’m pleased to announce we actually DID deliberate, for like an hour and a handful of minutes. Trust me when I say this, especially if you ever plan on becoming a prosecutor. If 99% of your evidence supports the defendants version of events, you can’t convict them. Apparently no one on that grand jury had any sense….again, can we get some real checks and balances in this justice system? Someday maybe I’ll get to watch my tax dollars work……

Filed under: Nonsense, Squawk Box on June 6th, 2008