So this week the news was purely for my amusement. Cincinnati was ranked among the top 10 most polluted cities in America. Who knew? I mean, that constant haze that surrounds this town on any day warmer than 65 degrees couldn’t POSSIBLY be a tell-tale sign. You can also blow dirty snot out of your nose virtually year round, yeah that’s right, I DID just admit to looking.
Then there is this tasty nugget was brought to us in part by the word STUPID and the city of New Miami (I think those two are synonymous). An escaped prisoner from somewhere in Kentucky was arrested in New Miami , where he was found hiding in a closet under a pile of clothes. What?! My 5 year old niece knows better than to hide in her closet. She certainly wouldn’t cover herself with old clothes and think “Bet they’ll never see me here!�?. By the way, for those of you unfamiliar with New Miami, it’s about a half step below Hamilton on the stupid chain. When we played them in football back in high school it was the joke that their cheerleaders weighed more than their offensive line….it’s that kind of classy town.
In an attempt to scale the retarded ladder, a tender vittle of awesome from Warren county. A man attempted to run from police and ended up on top of a bar. Not the counter, he ended up on top of the building. Then genius tried to jump across to the dry cleaner’s next door….and he didn’t make it. He ended up trapped between the buildings and was forced to wait for the fire department to come dig him out of the ally. Now this super bag is in a Dayton hospital, where the Warren county sheriff’s department feels generous and is waiting until he is released to arrest him.
Kudos go out to a little 11 year old girl in Montana. Last week 2 illegal aliens decided they could overpower this little girl who was home alone at the time. HA! Think again. This wondergirl ran quick (like a gazelle) for her father’s shotgun. Apparently, she’s a clay pigeon shooting superstar. She fired a 12 gauge shotgun, point blank, into Chico’s promised land, he died. THEN when Chico’s sidekick Jose’ tried to run in fear, she blasted him in the shoulder, he ran outside and proceeded to bleed to death. She’s my hero for the week, I aspire to be more like her the next time I get robbed.
Filed under: Life in Cincinnati on May 6th, 2007
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