Cincinnati is going CRAZY!

It’s been a CRAZY week in Cincinnati. Big week for dead people as well. A car, complete with dead body (yes, like an accessory. Barbie’s Ferrari didn’t come with Barbie…) was found in the river. THEN a dead man’s remains were found in some woods in Kentucky. This man may have been there for several years. Hmm, the least someone could have done was put him in a room with the air conditioner on, you know..preserve the body a little bit. That would be a new and original idea.

Then..SHOOTINGS!! IN CINCINNATI!! IT’S NEWS!!! First, my favorite: A robber shot a man in the hand on Vine St. in Corryville for approximately $50. First, why would you wander around Corryville with $50 for someone to steal. Second, who in Corryville HAS $50 for someone to steal? Another man was shot in his home in Evanston, and is now paralyzed. I’m truly amazed, I mean..who knew people got shot for stupid reasons in Corryville on Vine St. of all safe places. As for someone being shot in Evanston, well THAT is new. The real news here should be that 2 people were shot but amazingly no one died, merely maimed and paralyzed.

A woman is being accused of stabbing her daughter in the back..literally. No joke, stabbed her own kid in the back with a 3-inch paring knife. Apparently they were fighting over a cell phone, and some chicken wings..and a watermelon rind. Ok, I might’ve made up part of that..but the cell phone part was true. Cell phones must be the new Starter jackets. Remember back in the early 90′s when you could get killed in the ghetto for a San Jose Sharks starter jacket and a pair of Reebok Pumps?

What’s the deal with West Chester going nuts? Word (not WERD) is out that I am moving back, so the florist up the street from my parent’s house was robbed Friday. The flower shop was robbed by a man wearing a black headband and a blue button down shirt. Nothing says “I’m a total yuppie meth-head” like robbing a florist wearing a blue button down shirt. I hope he didn’t get anything on the Dockers he was probably wearing. I need to know more about this headband as well. I mean, was it like a plastic headband that you buy for your 4 year old little girl, or was it like an ear warmer? I’m going for the plastic headband, it fits the meth-head persona a little better.

Best headline ever, and it comes out of Cincinnati. “Gun-Toting Robber Gets Cigarettes, Cookies”. It comes really close to beating “Timberland Wearing Robber Gets $1 and a Bowling Ball”. Apparently the UDF on..surprise surprise Vine Street was robbed. The man walked out with 1 pack of cigarettes and two cookies. I am SINCERELY hoping this is the same guy who robbed my house. Because this would really top things off for me when I wore his coat to court, even if it was in July.

Aaron & I were just watching the local news and someone was shot in the neck about 2 miles from our house. Aaron’s response “and people wonder why I’m in a hurry to move outta here…”