I just want to take a moment to point out that the Steelers have the EASIEST schedule I’ve ever seen before going into their bye-week? The Browns, Bills, 49’ers and Seahawks? Someone is kidding right? While I will ABSOLUTELY cheer for the 49’ers this week (leaves less of a rash than cheering for the Steelers) I predict a blow-out at Heinz field. Steelers by 20.

Arizona Cardinals vs. Baltimore Ravens

Another AFC North blow out. I don’t think the Cardinals stand a chance, even if they illegally call a snap count. I kind of hope they do so I can listen to Brian Billick cry about it all week. Ravens by 21.

Indianapolis Colts vs. Houston Texans *AFC South Match-up*

Dear Texans, I think your perfect season may be coming to an end. While I’m becoming a believer that the Texans have greatly improved, I am not convinced that they are going to beat Peyton and the world champion Colts. However, I think the Texans have the ability to make this a game and I’m only picking the Colts by 7.

Detroit Lions vs. Philadelphia Eagles

I pick the Lions this week. Not because I think they’re fantastic and not because Jon Kitna is white. Basically because Donovan McNabb won’t have enough time to change his tampon and tape himself back together in the huddle and I think it’s really going to throw off his game. Plus, Jon PROMISED Detroit 10 wins, and they aren’t going to beat the Bears next week (I’m calling this one a little early). I’m calling for a close game and Detroit to come out on top by 3.

Buffalo Bills vs. New England Patriots *AFC East Match-up*

Bills are looking for their first win, but I think they’re going to have to wait until next week. Dirty cheaters or not, those Patriots have some talent. The Bills have a lot to prove but they’re probably going to look like the typical Bills who can’t finish a game again this week. Patriots by 21.

San Diego Chargers vs. Green Bay Packers

It’s back to losing for Brett Favre. DeShawn Wynn can sit back and take notes this week on what he has the potential to look like in the next few years but I think that this week is all about the Chargers. I can’t see one of the best teams in football losing to a mediocre team like the Packers. Besides, we all know when it comes to AFC vs. NFC who I will choose. Chargers by 10.

Miami Dolphins vs. New York Jets *AFC East Match-up*

I think it’s the Jets lucky break. I don’t foresee the Dolphins pulling it together for this weeks game and I predict an 0-3 start. I’m picking the Jets by 7.

Minnesota Vikings vs. Kansas City Chiefs

This is a week where I think the winless team makes a turnaround. While the Vikings are 1-1, they beat the Falcons, yes, in a game where I picked the Falcons to win. However, I think this is the week where Kansas City gets it together and I predict Larry Johnson and Damon Huard to help get the offense going. I pick the Chiefs by 3.

St. Louis Rams vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

I don’t know where to go with this one. The Rams are winless, and Tampa Bay is coming off a surprising win over the Saints. With St. Louis playing on the road, I think it might be October 7 before St. Louis sees a win (against the Cardinals). That being said, Tampa Bay, but only by 3.

Cleveland Browns vs. Oakland Raiders

I think Derek Anderson is going to get eaten in the Black Hole this week. The Raiders need a win, and I think the Browns are going to give it to them. The Brown’s aren’t a very consistent team, unless you being consistently bad counts. As if the Raiders have room to talk. So, based on the fact that Brown’s had a win last week, I don’t think they can do it two weeks in a row. I call for the Raiders by 3, possibly in overtime.

Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Denver Broncos

Denver has gotten very lucky the last two weeks and I predict that their luck is about to run out. I am surprised at how poor they have looked in the opening weeks and I’m calling Jacksonville, at Mile High, with a 7 point win. Denver fans will not be pleased.

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Seattle Seahawks

Here are two teams coming off games they should have won, games that shouldn’t have even been close. Not to mention two teams losing to the worst teams in their divisions. The Bengals need to bring their defense and not girl scouts with them this week to Qwest field. I think the Bengals are completely capable of beating my top NFC pick for this season, and I am picking the Bengals by 3.

New York Giants vs. Washington Redskins *NFC East Match-up*

Slow start for the Giants, and there are those that are going to point out that the Redskins have started 2-0. To which I say, yeah, against the Dolphins and the Eagles. I remain unimpressed and I’m still cheering for Eli. This week the Giants are healthy and they are raving mad. I don’t think the Redskins are going to top the raging Giants and I am calling for Eli to lead his team by 7 over the Redskins. However, if they lose on me for the third week in a row, I’m going to become a fair-weather fan.

Carolina Panthers vs. Atlanta Falcons *NFC South Match-up*

I don’t think Joey Herrington is going to last long as #1 QB now that the left-behind Leftwich has come to town. A week ago he was crying in his mom’s basement, this week he’ll pace the sidelines in Atlanta, but I predict that if Bobby Petrino wants to keep his job very long he’ll consider moving Byron up from the #3 slot. That being said, it’ll be the Panthers this week by 7.

Dallas Cowboys vs. Chicago Bears

Two teams that are 2-0, one team with a talented offense, another with a talented defense. Then there’s that team with Rex. THE most criticized quarterback in the NFL (Dear McNabb, Rexie is a white boy). That being said, unless the Bears’ defense dies in a tragic accident this week I don’t foresee the Cowboys going home 3-0. I predict a good night for fans at Soldier Field, with the Bears’ winning by 14.

Tennessee Titans vs. New Orleans Saints

The Saints are desperately seeking their first win, Drew Brees isn’t down with all of this losing. Neither am I. However, the Titans have looked good these past few weeks. I’m still cheering for the Saints though, I think they are going to pull it off on the big MNF stage. Saints by 14. Get it together Drew.

I think we should all just learn to accept that fact that you cannot control all variables of a situation. I’ll say it again for the mentally impaired: YOU CANNOT CONTROL ALL VARIABLES OF A SITUATION. Did you get it that time? It’s like that old saying, you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose. You love it and you know it.

Take a wedding for example: You spend months upon months planning for this event, but regardless of how much over-planning you do, you cannot control everything that happens on that day. Trust me when I say this. I spent 7 months watching my mom freak out about my wedding (I was so over it) and when the day arrived, crazy things that none of us would’ve had the forethought to plan for happened. What did we do? Let it go. Why? Because that’s how we roll . Anyone who says their wedding went off without a hitch is probably either lying or totally oblivious to the situations at hand. You can over control the guest list, the photographer, the DJ’s choice of song, the type of ceremony, and the food served. But, you cannot control a large group of people in an awkward situation. Someone uninvited might just show up, and you need to just let it go. One of those friends you thought would behave might just have an incredibly low alcohol tolerance, and they might get really drunk. This might lead them to dance the Macarena all night (even though the song NEVER played), steal someone’s coat and wear it around like a cape, and eventually end up passed out in their own vomit in the bed of someone else’s pick-up truck. YOU CAN’T STOP THAT! Besides, why would you want to? I mean, the humor value is definitely 10 out of 10. P.S. this is on of the 23.5 reasons I didn’t have alcohol at my wedding.

I just can’t express my total annoyance in words how much control freaks bother me. You cannot plan for everything, nor can you control all situations. Learn to relax, you might find yourself happier and with more friends. Stop worrying, it’s not worth it. Learn to laugh at yourself. Honestly, the day I stop laughing at my special ed self is the day I hope to die. There’s humor to be found in all situations, even gran theft auto. Take Frankie’s advice and relax.