One Stray Pea» Squawk Box

Wait, What?!

Nikki — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 07:25:34 +0000

As a result of working night shift, I’ve discovered new and disturbing things in the last week. First, there’s a show on Vh1 called “Tool Academy”. No, I’m not lying and trust me I really wish I was. I thought making a show out of trying to date Bret Michaels was an all time low, but these tool bags make those Jersey Shore kids look like fun. On one hand, it really bothers me that people like this are allowed to exist, but then I find the depressing upside. If these morons can find a way to survive, surely I will not die.

Then, thanks to the whole green movement, I found that there is a whole crafty world of women making washable menstrual pads. Yep, use, wash, re-use. Don’t believe me? Google it. Look, if there’s a landfill full of disposable diapers and feminine hygiene products, I’m OK with that. The world won’t end over a pack of Pampers and a tampon, and they certainly aren’t hurting the environment anymore than these handmade Kotex makers are by driving to the store for fabric and supplies. Face it, it’s just 6 of 1 and a half dozen of the other.

Dear Starbucks Manager….

Nikki — Wed, 27 May 2009 20:34:50 +0000

Please do not remark about my non-ambulatory daughter not wearing shoes when it is 85 degrees outside. You stick to making my frappucino and I’ll stick to taking care of my child. Thanks for your concern.

Rants From Mommyhood

Nikki — Tue, 05 May 2009 08:34:09 +0000

Our last few trips to the park have been chock full of stupid to say the least. First, there’s a handicapped swing at the park and that’s the one swing that every kid wants to use. Whatever, it’s not like there’s a line of wheelchair bound children waiting their turn or anything. So a couple of weeks ago some kid gets in the handi-swing and starts yelling at Aaron and I (who were less than 3 feet away) to push him. Um, seriously?! Is that how you ask for something? And where is your mom!? Why isn’t she over here teaching you some manners? I just told the kid we were too busy.

As if that weren’t bad enough, cell phone moms are my new enemy. Why bother taking your kid to the park if you aren’t going to pay any attention to them? Since when is playground the new babysitter? It’s not my job to maintain your child on the playground. Then there was this (teenage) mom and her mom sitting in the middle of the play area smoking. I didn’t notice until I decided to leave the young kiddie area to go swing on the big swings with Elise. Really? Who lights up in the middle of a playground?! The more I leave the house, the more I feel like I’m being punk’d by the world. Is this some sort of joke? Get off your cell phone and pay attention to your kid and put that Virginia Slim down!!

A Martha-Like Rant

Nikki — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 17:07:03 +0000

It’s no secret that I’ve developed a love for fabric and sewing. My favorites are Amy Butler’s Lotus line, anything by Denyse Schmidt and Heather Ross Lightning Bugs and Westhill lines. Here’s what I’m NOT a fan of: fabric price gouging. It’s become a common, yet annoying practice, for people on Etsy or Ebay to list their fabrics at outrageous prices simply because these fabrics are hard to find. For example, Heather Ross’s Lightning Bugs line is discontinued and it was recently announced that due to a non-compete she’ll be taking a hiatus from fabric designing altogether for a few years. I saw 4 yards of her goldfish fabric on Ebay for $104. Seriously? Who is paying $104 for fabric. More examples, Denyse Schmidt’s Flea Market Fancy line which is almost impossible to find in yards, sells in fat quarters on Etsy for $9. An 18×22″ piece of fabric for $9? I just bought yardage for $9. If you want to inspire me to save handmade, don’t make a grab for my wallet please.

A moment to lament the cute things I can’t afford…….

Denyse Schmidt – Flea Market Fancy

Heather Ross – Lightning Bugs & Other Mysteries

Heather Ross uses a ton of Flea Market Fancy fabric in her book “Weekend Sewing”. It’s like salt in my fabric wound.

Flea Market Fancy Image comes from: Providence Handmade

Lightning Bug Image comes from: A La Mode

A Martha-Like Rant

Nikki — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 17:03:21 +0000

A moment to lament the cute things I can’t afford…….

Denyse Schmidt – Flea Market Fancy

Heather Ross – Lightning Bugs & Other Mysteries

Heather Ross uses a ton of Flea Market Fancy fabric in her book “Weekend Sewing”. It’s like salt in my fabric wound.

Flea Market Fancy Image comes from: Providence Handmade

Lightning Bug Image comes from: A La Mode

The Election – My Analysis

Nikki — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:40:08 +0000

Fellow Americans, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is McCain didn’t win, the bad news is Obama did. The depressing upside is that we won’t be at war with Russia…and Iran…and Iraq…and Afghanistan in 6 months. I’m puzzled by an America that cries for change and continues to vote in the same narrow minded, 2 party way. Meanwhile, who are the nearly 2500 Ohioans who voted for Socialist Brian Moore? You know, because socialism merely bridges the gap between communism and capitalism, which makes it a fantastic choice. That’s something I can raise my fist and chant for….ugh. Change is coming, but at what expense? Who likes taxes? Democrats like taxes! Oh, and government healthcare is a fantastic idea, look what a great job the government has done with our schools?

Perhaps the good news is that the king of the west side, Steve Chabot, won’t be returning to Washington. Perhaps now he’ll have time to go buy a new car.

Lamest Trial Ever

Nikki — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 03:49:54 +0000

So, I’m a jury target. You think I’m kidding? I’ve been called for jury duty three times in four years in two counties. My husband has fallen victim to my curse, as he received his summons for Grand Jury this week. I cannot wait to call the Butler County sheriff’s department when I go into labor and beg them to get my husband out of court. So anyways, the jury loves me.

Four years ago, just before my wedding I was placed on a 10 day medical malpractice trial. Allow me to sum it up for you: 10 days of listening to arrogant doctors talk about how fantastic they are because they’ve been published, meanwhile no one could explain why the doctor involved actually did anything wrong! However, $12.5 million would’ve made the plaintiff ( A.K.A. family of the deceased) feel better. You know what would’ve made ME feel better? Not flushing two weeks of my life down the toilet because some walking time bomb had a heart attack. In his next life, I hope that guy takes better care of himself or at least doesn’t lie to his doctors. Lying to your doctors really doesn’t help your case in the jury room. As foreman of that jury I’m proud to say we actually spent more time eating pizza and making fun of the lawyers than we did deliberating. Frivolous law suits make me wish for better checks and balances in our justice system.

About a year and a half later I was called for jury duty in Hamilton County. Luckily my status as a student prevented me from having to serve. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the jury duty itself that bothers me (although, seriously..is minimum wage too much to ask?!) it’s the extreme stupidity you’re exposed to not only from other potential jurors but from the people involved in the case as well that annoys me. Further proving we have not evolved as people, if anything..we’re regressing.

A few weeks ago I was called for jury duty again. When I’m told to be there at 8:30, I’m on time. The court can’t tell time, as we weren’t moved to the court room and seated until nearly 10:45. For over two hours I was subjected to the smartest people Hamilton had to offer. I was ready to stab myself before I ever even entered the courtroom. Of course they placed me on the jury, because who wouldn’t want a 7 1/2 month pregnant lady on their jury?! This case wasn’t civil, it was criminal. Oh, it was criminal alright, criminally dumb. It was the rape case with no evidence of rape. Brought to you in part by Hamilton, pitchforks and the letter L (for liar). I’ll spare you all the details and leave it at this: teenage girls should learn to get their stories straight, hillbillies will storm your house for any reason so watch your stuff, and Hamilton police are one step above Cincinnati police on the OneStrayPea competence scale.

As foreman of THIS jury (it’s going on my resume now) I’m pleased to announce we actually DID deliberate, for like an hour and a handful of minutes. Trust me when I say this, especially if you ever plan on becoming a prosecutor. If 99% of your evidence supports the defendants version of events, you can’t convict them. Apparently no one on that grand jury had any sense….again, can we get some real checks and balances in this justice system? Someday maybe I’ll get to watch my tax dollars work……

Like Oil and Water….

Nikki — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 06:08:37 +0000

Guitar Hero and a pregnant belly don’t mix. You think this is silly? I’m completely serious! Skeletor has grown at LUDICROUS SPEED! these past two weeks and all of the sudden I have to hold the guitar off to the side or else the evil lord of destruction kicks the guitar away from my hands.

I thought kids were supposed to be teenagers before they started sucking the all joy from your life…….

I’m One Crafty Lady

Nikki — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 00:21:30 +0000

After some thought, I’ve decided to share my crafts with the world. You know, because I can’t manage to write a book review ever. Get off my back Thomas.

The Hood Salute and Other Nuggets of Fun

Nikki — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 07:29:12 +0000

You have got to be kidding me. The Hood Salute? 4 men have been arrested for firing guns into the air at the funeral of a local kid. Did I mention that this kid was shot to death? Inappropriate perhaps? The family is very upset, and rightfully so. Who wants to bury their child and then subsequently have a handful of bozo’s “salute” him by shooting into the air. This is more than a 21 gun salute gone bad, this is just plain dumb.

Meanwhile in politics, John Kerry chooses to back Barack Obama. Trouble in political paradise? Why is John Kerry backing Obama over his old running mate John Edwards? I mean, I can name 110 reasons not to back John Edwards, but then again, I would never have chosen him as my running mate. I also don’t have a thing for sleeze-bag lawyers. However, I like that this is some type of John Kerry sticking out his proverbial tongue at Edwards. Passive-aggressive mud-slinging by people who aren’t even running, that’s cute boys.

Ahh, a breath of fresh air comes to us from Des Moines, Iowa. Not even from my nieces! Meanest Mom on the planet, Jane Hambleton placed this ad in the Des Moines Register after finding alcohol in her 19 year-old son’s car: “OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don’t love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet.” Wow, this is all enough to make me wish I could get the Des Moines Register in Cincinnati. While the car has been sold, this woman is running the ad for another week because she likes all of the phone calls she gets from people congratulating her on being a responsible parent. Perhaps SHE should write that book Lynne Spears was thinking about authoring. However, I’d like to point out that continuing to run the ad after the car as been sold is technically false advertising, leave that part out of your book Jane.

Meanwhile, in more embarrassing news, some boy in Kentucky is trying desperately to become the most beat up boy in school. After being told he couldn’t join the cheerleading squad, his family filed a discrimination suit with the Kentucky Commission on Human Rights two years ago. Not being a boy cheerleader was devastating to the then 13 year old. He plans to try out again when he gets to high school. I hope enjoys the inside of a locker.

Now for news that isn’t news. 3.1 million young people are getting crazy on the grape! For those who haven’t read my previous blogs on this topic, it means kids are getting high on cough medicine. Drinking cough syrup is more popular than taking LSD. Big surprise, it’s more popular to get high on an over-the-counter, cheap, easily accessible drug than an illicit drug, which is more expensive and not nearly as easy get into your hot, stoned little hands. The federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration is apparently a brilliant use of tax payer money. I’m glad to be funding such geniuses. Anyone who has ever worked in a pharmacy, health & beauty department, or gone to college could’ve told you all of this 3 years ago.

Oh, and apparently some guy in Idaho saw the mark of the beast on his hand so he cut it off. Anyone ever read “I Know This Much Is True”? Seriously, copy cat. Although, he took it a step further, and cooked the severed hand in the microwave. Perhaps that Federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration should be spending their money to help THAT guy instead of a bunch of cracked out, cough syrup drinkers. Who can care about schizophrenics when kids are drinking Dimetap?