Plus the Steelers play the Chargers which is just enough to make me cheer for the referee. Go line judge!

Denver Broncos vs. Atlanta Falcons
This goes against all common sense, but I’m choosing the Falcons. They are superb at home this season and the Broncos have to learn to play at a normal altitude. This doesn’t look promising for Jay Cutler.

Minnesota Vikings vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
B-O-R-I-N-G! I’m inclined to choose the Buccaneers because they are 6-3 and the Vikings can’t even be on top of the mediocre NFC North. Beating Detroit isn’t something to brag about.

Baltimore Ravens vs. New York Giants
11 weeks ago this game also sounded boring. The Ravens were coming off a season of bad QB decisions and it seemed their offense only took the field to fill up space, 3 and out anyone? The Ravens have decided that offense is no longer optional (and got rid of ole’ Brian..nice job). However, the Giants only loss this season has come out of the AFC North. I know, the Browns…horrible. However, you KNOW who I choose. GIANTS!

Oakland Raiders vs. Miami Dolphins
This match up would’ve been so awesome last year, you know, when Miami couldn’t beat themselves. Well, this season they are winning and proving grumpy old Parcels can stop a train wreck. Perhaps Oakland or Cincinnati should wave money in his face. Miami will win, Raiders fans will continue to stab each other.

New Orleans Saints vs. Kansas City Chiefs
The Chiefs can’t even get out of their own way long enough to make it to the end zone. Then they have a chance to tie a game and they choose to go for two..for the win! Dismal. Saints have it easy this week.

Detroit Lions vs. Carolina Panthers
Well, the Lions continue their quest for perfect failure this week, I imagine they’ll be successful. Carolina barely even needs to take the field.

Philadelphia Eagles vs. Cincinnati Bengals
Ugh, I hate that I have to choose Donovan McNabb to win. It burns in my throat. Fitzy is starting to figure out being an NFL quarterback, but with a week off I don’t think the Bengals will come out strong. Sigh.

Chicago Bears vs. Green Bay Packers
Well, Rexie blew it for the Bears last week..typical. Kyle expects to be back this week, but I expect the Bears to lose. I think the Packers might be getting tired of losing and might start fighting. Plus, they’re playing at home. Kyle doesn’t get to do the leap.

Houston Texans vs. Indianapolis Colts
The Texans don’t have a chance. They should just stay home and drink heavily this week…wait, that might be more appropriate for Detroit.

St. Louis Rams vs. San Francisco 49′ers
The 49′ers really dropped the ball against Arizona. I actually expect them to win this one,  because I don’t think St. Louis can bring their A game..or B game…maybe a C game to the west coast.

Arizona Cardinals vs. Seattle Seahawks
Matty is back! I’m not sure this spells a win for the Seahawks but it certainly improves their chances. What the heck, I always bet against the Cardinals and Qwest is the loudest field ever, I’m not sure Kurt can turn his hearing aids up loud enough.

Tennessee Titans vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
The Jags lost to the Bengals, do I think they’ll beat Tennessee? Nope, but I do think it’ll be a game worth watching.

San Diego Chargers vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
While I don’t enjoy Mike Tomlin, I’m glad the NFL P. Diddy called that Fat Kid out for not practicing after the sloth pretty much threw the game away last week. I don’t think Phil Rivers is going to bring a win on the road though, sadly..I wish I did believe it though.

Dallas Cowboys vs. Washington Redskins
Two rested teams coming back, Tony will take the band-aid off that paper cut and we’ll see how he does. I think the Cowboys will win, because they don’t have a choice. T.O. is on the verge of another media breakdown and old Wade won’t be happy.

Cleveland Browns vs. Buffalo Bills
Who schedule THIS for Monday night? Glad I’ll be working. The Bills are totally going to blow the Browns away.

New Orleans Saints vs. Atlanta Falcons
This game meant nothing 10 weeks ago. It wasn’t even worth mentioning. However, now that the Falcons have proved they can win games and have put that Joey Herrington/Byron Leftwich mistake behind them, this game is mildly more exciting than brushing my dog. I’m actually picking New Orleans this week and by the way, I’m done predicting scores because I never even bother to look at the score and let’s face it, neither do you.

Tennessee Titans vs. Chicago Bears
Hmmm, let’s see…the Titans are undefeated AND Rexie gets the start. No brainer. After this loss I expect to hear Kyle Orton crying about how he could have played this week. Oh, and to the girl with the “Rexy still sexy” picture…gross. Go Titans!

Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Detroit Lions
The Jags must bounce back from their loss to the Bengals. Ouch…that hurt. Meanwhile Detroit is…..typical Detroit. Kitna is out…and that guy who replaced Kitna is out..and they brought in Daunte Culpepper to solve their problems. Yep, I look for Joey Herrington to make a return too. Jags all the way.

Baltimore Ravens vs. Houston Texans
Finally! You know I’ve been waiting all season for this game, darn that Hurricane Ike! Heh, that’s funny. Old Sage is back which means Joe Flacco Superstar will be getting the win this week. Ugh, Baltimore.

Seattle Seahawks vs. Miami Dolphins
With Seneca Wallis at the helm what could go wrong? Everything. Just like the Seahawks season, down the toilet. This game is about as exciting as an episode of OW! My Balls! Go Miami.

Green Bay Packers vs. Minnesota Vikings
Oooo, a division game! Yeah, I’m not real excited either. I kind of thought that the Vikings gave up when they put Gus Frerotte back in. However, the Vikings are at .500. I don’t foresee them being 5-4 after this game. Go Packers!

Buffalo Bills vs. New England Patriots
Patriots all the way. I’m so over the Bills, I’m glad the announcers seem to be getting over them too. Patriots!

St. Louis Rams vs. New York Jets
The Rams looked like they were making a turn around with those amazing two wins, but proving they were just a fluke their record is 2-6. The Jets are…5-3? Further proving this is some sort of football apocalypse. Magical Unicorn for the win!

Carolina Panthers vs. Oakland Raiders
Panthers win. The End. PS – John McCain is a Raiders Fan….HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This may or may not be worse than Obama the Steelers fan.

Indianapolis Colts vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Fat Kid is a game time decision. Which means he’s going to play, but Mike Tomlin is afraid of a freak motorcycle accident or gall bladder attack this afternoon. Meanwhile, the always awesome Peyton will be playing. Which only means one thing, Colts win.

Kansas City Chiefs vs. San Diego Chargers
The Chiefs can’t even get out of their own way! I mean, the Chargers lost to New Orleans in London but we can blame the excessive rain and time change. Chargers all the way.

New York Giants vs. Philadelphia Eagles
Well, here’s a no brainer. I’ve never been shy about my hatred towards Donovan McNabb and his whining. I’ve also not been shy about my love of Eli and his inability to talk. Giants!

San Francisco 49′ers vs. Arizona Cardinals
Do they put the 49′ers on MNF so that we can all laugh at them on the national stage? I mean, they are terrible every year and still get Monday night games? Lame. Kurt Warner..go old! Cardinals FTW!

New York Jets vs. Buffalo Bills
Ugh. That’s how I feel about both of these teams. Trent Edwards will be struggling to scramble because he has a sore ankle, Brett Favre will be struggling to scramble simply because he’s old. The Bills are doubtful to lose two division games in a row, which makes my heart hurt. Bills by 10.

Detroit Lions vs. Chicago Bears
The Lions are the only team that could possibly be worse than the Bengals, leading us to ask is Rudi Johnson the kiss of death? The Lions haven’t won a game yet this season and I don’t anticipate them winning one this week either. Even if Rex plays. Bears by 24.

Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Cincinnati Bengals
I’m starting to wonder what the purpose of bringing back Chris Henry A.K.A. “Alligator Arms” was. I mean, he doesn’t make any catches, and pretty much doesn’t even try unless he thinks he’s going to get a touchdown. Of course, the Bengals have like 19 receivers on the field at any given time and still choose to run the ball. Will they win this week? That’s a no. Jacksonville can send in their third string and still win by 10.

Baltimore Ravens vs. Cleveland Browns
I still can’t believe Troy Smith isn’t playing. However, against the Browns, Joe Flacco’s mom could probably play and look decent. The Ravens will take another game from the Browns this week, probably by 14.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Kansas City Chiefs
The Chiefs are terrible. I’m completely dumbfounded how they have won a game! They won’t win another one this week though. Buccaneers by 7.

Houston Texans vs. Minnesota Vikings
The Texans are on a huge winning streak, they’ve beat 3 terrible teams in a row!! Perhaps they’ll get to continue their streak and up their game by beating a slightly less than mediocre team this week in Minnesota! Texans by 7.

Arizona Cardinals vs. St. Louis Rams
Here’s two teams who gave no business winning games! Who would’ve thought both of these teams would have better records than the Seahawks in the NFC West? I’m going to pick the Cardinals this week because Kurt Warner hearts St. Louis, and they heart him. Cards by 14.

Green Bay Packers vs. Tennessee Titans
Again, the Titans are undefeated. The Packers are…defeated. There won’t be any cheesehead winnings this week. After beating the Colts last week, the Titans are probably unstoppable for a few weeks more at least. Kerry Collins is really taking this quarterbacking thing seriously! Titans by 7.

Miami Dolphins vs. Denver Broncos
I have no faith in the Dolphins, I don’t care who they beat on a fluke this season! The Broncos can be counted on at least 50% of the time, and I think the Dolphins will be too busy gasping for air at Mile High this week to win. Denver by 10.

Dallas Cowboys vs. New York Giants
That right finger still plagues the Cowboys. Antonio probably holds T.O. after the games and they cry together. No way do the Cowboys beat the Giants in New York with a back up QB. That and I only cheer for the Giants in the NFC East. Giants by 17.

Atlanta Falcons vs. Oakland Raiders
I don’t know what has gotten into the Falcons this season, but Matt Ryan is like the second coming of Michael Vick…minus that dog drama…and being the QB/leading rusher. What I’m really saying is, getting rid of Joey Herrington and Byron Leftwich is the greatest thing to happen to this franchise in a few years. The Raiders are still…the Raiders. Although they may have quit actually trying to lose, they’ll just lose trying this week. Falcons by 10.

Philadelphia Eagles vs. Seattle Seahawks
The Seahawks don’t have a chance. Old Matty is still out (and can’t walk on his heels, yay nerve injury!), Seneca Wallis isn’t even a real quarterback (Charlie Frye is, proving how terrible his is..they STILL won’t let him play). Brian Westbrook could just rest it this week and let someone else play, it won’t matter. Eagles by 17.

New England Patriots vs. Indianapolis Colts
This is another game that was a lot more exciting before both teams turned up only mediocre. Typically I’m ok with mediocre, except when it comes in the forms of two teams that should be 6-1 at least. Will Matt Cassel look like a super star? Will staph eat off Peyton’s leg before half time? When it all comes down to it, the Patriots are the more beat up team this week and given the home field advantage, I’m choosing the Colts by 7.

Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Washington Redskins
The Steelers are learning 101 ways to blow their season. I mean, if it wasn’t for the fact that the rest of the AFC North is terrible, they wouldn’t be 5-2. Being 5-2 is sort of like being the best of the crappy teams. Meanwhile, the NFC East started as a pretty tough division. Like I’d pick the Steelers if I didn’t have to…they blew it last week against the Giants and I assume they’ll blow it again this week too…Redskins by 10.

Oakland Raiders vs. Baltimore Ravens
Speaking of Oakland, they really pulled a fast one on old Brett’s team by winning last week. They probably won’t be pulling a fast one on Joe Flacco this week. Not unless Ray Lewis tears his triceps tendon again. Ravens by 10. I’m going to miss Lane Kiffin……maybe he can coach the Bengals next year.

Arizona Cardinals vs. Carolina Panthers
If you had told me that in week 8 the Cardinals would be sitting at 4-2, the Bengals 0-7, I would’ve punched you in the face. However here we are, and the Panthers are also 5-2. Further proving how out of control things have gotten in the NFL. This week I anticipate seeing the Panthers move to 6-2, because regardless of their record, the NFC West is a terrible division and cannot be counted on to win games. Carolina by 17.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Dallas Cowboys
Another thing I wouldn’t have done 8 weeks ago is choose Tampa Bay over Dallas. However, that was before Antonio was out with an injury to his “right finger”…as opposed to the wrong one? And “right finger” makes it sound as if he has only one finger on his right hand, which would make him amazing. But he has all 5, intact, except for that paper cut..which makes him just your average cry baby. Tampa Bay by 14.

Washington Redskins vs. Detroit Lions
In this league there are few things you can count on, Detroit losing is one of them. Regardless of Kitna’s injured back, the Lions never had a chance in this game. The Redskins are on fire and will continue to prove that they are actually better than St. Louis, that loss was just a fluke. Redskins by 24.

Buffalo Bills vs. Miami Dolphins
I think that Ronnie Brown trick might have worn out it’s wow factor. I also think that regardless of how I feel about the Bills this season, they are still going to beat the Dolphins. The only hope Miami has is that JP Losman (second most sacked QB in the NFL…and he hasn’t even really played cried since early last season) gets to play. Bills by…..17.

St. Louis Rams vs. New England Patriots
Will crazy ole’ Bill try to run up the score again and risk the health of….his entire defense? Will Brady stop by and rub his staph knee all over Marc Bulger? At 2-4, the Rams are second in the NFC West, I told you it was a terrible division. This winning streak is an outrage. It’s also about to end. If the Brady-less Patriots can defeat the Broncos 41-7, and then turn around and lose to the Rams…..they should be banned from football until Pacman is allowed to play again…and then as punishment, they should be forced to put him on the team. Patriots by 21.

San Diego Chargers vs. New Orleans Saints
Way to send our best to represent, now Philly can just go cry in another country. Since the Chargers have decided that winning is optional this season, I think I’m going to pick the Saints. That and the Saints are closer to their own time zone than the Chargers are in this game..which is really my reason for picking them. Saints by 3.

Kansas City Chiefs vs. New York Jets
Larry Johnson is “disgusted” with himself. Well Larry. we’re disgusted too. We’re kinda disgusted at your whole team actually, but you in particular. Tyler Thigpen will be the starting QB for Kansas City, I know..we’ve never heard of him either. The old Unicorn will of course be on the field for the Jets..he’s kind of like that guy who keeps coming back to high school long after graduation isn’t he? This is a no brainer, Jets by 24.

Atlanta Falcons vs. Philadelphia Eagles
What has gotten into Atlanta? Winning games and stuff! Same old, same old for Philly, Brian Westbrook game time decision..he’s always a game time decision. Andy Reid needs some new tricks. Even at home, I don’t trust the Eagles to win this game. Yes, I just picked Atlanta..by 3..McNabb to cry later, not on camera like his BFF T.O.

Cleveland Browns vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
Kellen Winslow runs mouth, doesn’t get traded…just benched. Good call, Kellen. If I had to guess, I’d say that Derek Anderson is going to get used to the taste of turf this week. Perhaps he should call up that Fat Kid from Findlay and ask how to remove grass stains from his face. The Jaguars are going to walk over the Browns with no problem this week. Jaguars by 14.

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Houston Texans
The Texans are on a huge winning streak. You know, they’ve won 2 games..which is 2 more games than Cincinnat has won. With Carson still nursing his elbow, we’ll be forced to watch Fitzpatrick act as if it’s his first time on the field for the third straight week. The good news is Cedric Benson has been running the ball more than Chris Perry which has really reduced Cincinnati’s game costing fumbles in the fourth quarter. The Bengals are hoping to get a win this week…because it’s pretty much their only hope of getting one this season at this point. Bengals by 3..please..come on guys, put your big boy pants on and get it together.

New York Giants vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
The Giants physical defense will prove they are at least better than the Steelers horrid O-line. I anticipate seeing lots of defense from the Giants and a stumbling, confused Troy Polamalu dancing on the side lines. Seriously, he got knocked stupid last week, he’s going to go the way of Troy Aikman…and end up calling games and sounding stupid on Fox. Perhaps he should call Santonio Holmes and ask about self medicating. Heh heh. Giants by 10!

Seattle Seahawks vs. San Francisco 49′ers
I can’t believe I’m making this call, but the 49′ers are going to win. Without Matt Hasselbeck, the Seahawks are just another terrible team. Plus, their lime green shoelaces tend to annoy me. It’s all so sad, because I really like Mike Holmgren. 49′ers by 3…I mean, they’ll win but they’re still terrible.

Indianapolis Colts vs. Tennessee Titans
I will not be siding with Manning in this game. Sorry Peyton, but your team isn’t as hot as they should be this year and the Titans are still undefeated. Even Eli has lost a game (to the Brown’s…hurl). Even with Kerry Collins the Titans just keep on winning, who saw that coming? Titans by 10.

Baltimore Ravens vs. Miami Dolphins
I don’t know what has gotten into Miami this season…who do they think they are, winning and stuff? It’s almost as ridiculous as Joe Flacco still playing. In my wildest dreams I would never dreamed I’d be doing this but I’m picking Miami…by 3..against the aging defense of the Ravens.  That whole Ronnie Brown thing…you get the picture.

Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Cincinnati Bengals
You can read the title and see how I feel about this game. On my birthday no less…shameful Bengals. Will Carson ever get over this sissy-itis? I mean really dude, it’s way out of hand. When my joints hurt, I still have to go to work. There’s no “injured reserve” for nurses. Anyways, that fat kid from Findlay is going to come to town, there will be more Terrible Towels than Bengals jerseys in the stands and I’ll be at home cheering for the Giants. Steelers by 14….and that’s just at the half. The best thing that can happen here is a Fitzpatrick injury. I’m over him.

New Orleans Saints vs. Carolina Panthers
This game will probably be more exciting than the Bengals/Steelers match up. Sad, huh? Sure, the Saints won last week but really…the Raiders. Not being killed by a fan in silver and black is pretty much a win in and of itself. However facing Jake’s bionic elbow (Carson take note) is a different challenge. The Panthers have been oddly impressive this year, creepy I know. But, I think the Saints can take them. Saints by 3, Drew, please leave your Ray Lewis impressions off the field, I was embarrassed for you.

San Francisco 49′ers vs. New York Giants
Eli, you had better not let me down on my birthday. Getting stomped by the Browns…that was gross. The Browns who could only beat the Bengals were able to beat the Giants. My heart still aches. Meanwhile, the dismal 49′ers are coming to town reminding us how terrible football is on the west coast. Tom Coughlin probably sacrificed someone from the practice squad over last weeks loss to prove his point (and no doubt used the F word a lot…we can read those lips loud and clear, Tom). Giants by 17.

Minnesota Vikings vs. Chicago Bears
I have no reason for hating the Bears as much as I do, I admit it. That being said, I really wish I believed the Vikings had a chance. Even if Rex played, I don’t think the Vikings have a chance. Gus, you’re that bad. Sure, you beat the Lions, but most high school teams could beat the Lions. I picked the Steelers and the Bears…gross. Bears by 10.

Tennessee Titans vs. Kansas City Chiefs
Larry Johnson violates team rules, effectively blows away any chance the Chiefs had of being relatively competitive in this game. No, it’s not realistic to believe they might have won, but they would probably look prettier losing if Larry Johnson played. You see who my pick is…Titans by 7.

San Diego Chargers vs. Buffalo Bills
Finally, a team I believe can beat the Bills….but they’re coming from the West Coast. Trent Edwards is back, proving that JP Losman is still the worlds greatest bench warmer. Man, he’s still fun to pick on, even when he doesn’t play. I’m going to hope this prediction comes true…Phil, dry your tears. San Diego by 10.

Dallas Cowboys vs. St. Louis Rams
With Romo possibly out with a papercut, Adam Jones back to being Pacman, and the Cowboys franchise being hit hard with fines, Jerry Jones is probably locked in a closet drinking moonshine from his boots. Even with all this drama, the Rams still won’t win. You know why? Because they used up their one win of the season last week. Dallas by 14. By the way, Jerry Jones is only 66…..whoa. There’s a public service message in there somewhere…..it might start with wear sunscreen.

Detroit Lions vs. Houston Texans
The Texans will start a winning streak with this game. Kitna is out, which doesn’t really mean much in the grand scheme of things in Detroit…it just means someone even worse than he is will be manning the ship. The Texans even have a chance at a blow out! Meh, maybe not. Houston by 10.

Indianapolis Colts vs. Green Bay Packers
Peyton had extra knee surgery blah blah blah. Why is that the only news coming out of Indy? Meanwhile, Al Harris is out for the Packers. The Packers look nice this season, and the Colts had a rough start but I think they’re on the rebound..Colts by 14.

Cleveland Browns vs. Washington Redskins
Last week the Browns owned the Giants and the Redskins lost to the Rams. This week situation will return to normal and the Redskins will be back on top. There’s no way the Browns will win three in a row, it’s pretty much impossible. They should’ve just stayed home. Redskins by 24.

New York Jets vs. Oakland Raiders
The magical unicorn should hold onto his helmet (and his wallet) this week. I hope there’s a Lambaeu Leap into the Black Hole this week…although watching Favre get stabbed may or may not be the kind of entertainment I’m looking for. What I’m really saying is, the Raiders don’t have a chance. Jets by 7.

Seattle Seahawks vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
The Seahawks are also competing for worst team in the NFL I think. Seneca Wallis will be starting this week which can only mean one thing. There’s even LESS of a chance that Tampa Bay will lose. Buccaneers by 21.

Denver Broncos vs. New England Patriots
8 weeks ago this seemed like a much more exciting game. With Brady hurt and the inferior Matt Cassel playing, it’s become the kind of Monday Night Football game I could fall asleep to. New England will probably keep it close, but Jay Cutler will pull some sort of trickery at the end and the Broncos will win by like 1. It’s how they are always winning.

Atlanta Falcons vs. Carolina Panthers
I have no idea what on earth is going on in the NFC south, but somehow both of these teams are 2-1. The Falcons, despite all odds have beaten not one, but TWO less than mediocre teams!! Meanwhile the Panthers have actually beat the Chargers and the Bears. Well, this is looking like a no brainer, one team can actually beat teams that might count, the other can only beat teams who couldn’t beat high schoolers. Panthers by 10.

Cleveland Browns vs. Cincinnati Bengals
Ugh, dismal. Battle of Ohio has become Battle of the Winless. Neither of these teams has won a game despite having played Baltimore (with it’s tough. yet nearly geriatric defense). Carson is “questionable” with a sore elbow? Get that guy a TENS unit and a tissue…stop crying me a river and throw me a pass already! Meanwhile Dereck Anderson is proving my claim that last year was just a fluke. MRSA ate the Browns and high crime + something from the Ohio River has probably eaten the Bengals. ONLY because they have the home field advantage, I am picking the Bengals..by 3..in some awkward all offense/defense optional shoot out…you know, the usual.

Houston Texans vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
I still can’t believe Jacksonville beat the Colts. How anti-climactic would it be if the Jags lost this week to the Texans? What I really mean is awesome. However, it’s highly unlikely because the Texans suffer from lack of talent…BRING BACK SAGE!! Jags by 10.

Denver Broncos vs. Kansas City Chiefs
The Chiefs are getting desperate here. They lost to Oakland AND Atlanta. That would make them the worst team in the NFL, but the Rams seem to have that market cornered (the Bengals are also closing in). Division game or not, Jay Cutler could probably forget his insulin tomorrow and win this game in a coma. Herm Edwards might want to start thinking about his first round draft pick….Broncos by 21.

San Francisco 49′ers vs. New Orleans Saints
J.T. O’Sullivan was the second leading rusher for the 49′ers last week with 65 yards. He’s the quarterback..should he really be rushing 65 yards? I’m glad he could channel his inner-Vick. Meanwhile, New Orleans is trying to stop the downward spiral. I can, under no circumstances, count on the 49′ers OR the Saints, but again only because of home field advantage do I tip my hat towards the Saints by 3. I like last minute field goals.

Arizona Cardinals vs. New York Jets
OH NO! Favre is listed as questionable! Why? Is he still busy crying over last week? 100% of Jets fans are, along with 98% of Packers fans! Let this be a lesson Brett, when you try to throw a pass, sometimes your walker gets in the way and you twist your ankle. Call Kurt Warner for advice on maneuvering on the field with you assistive device. I’m actually going with the Cardinals this week, Brett or no Brett the Jets don’t have what it takes to win more than 3 games a season. Arizona by 10.

Green Bay Packers vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Thankfully, Al Harris isn’t going to bleed to death or lose his spleen anytime soon. So the Packers lost to the Cowboys, big deal. Tampa Bay is NOT Dallas. They’re mildly better than Atlanta. This is another game worth missing, unless you’re a cheesehead, in which case you have nothing else to do but get plastered and watch Green Bay on Sundays. Packers by 10.

Minnesota Vikings vs. Tennessee Titans
Gus Frerotte was the winning strategy? I smell another loss coming on for Minnesota. Brad Childress will have nothing else to do but throw up his hands and give up after this game. The Titans are still playing with Kerry Collins while waiting for Vince Young to regain his composure and stability in his knee. This game will be lame overall, I recommend missing it. Titans by 10.

San Diego Chargers vs. Oakland Raiders
Why does Lane Kiffin’s picture on NFL.com make him look like a 30 year old Michael Cerra? And why haven’t any of Oakland’s fine, upstanding, criminal fans killed him with a beer bottle and a plastic ax yet? These are the real issues that should be discussed concerning this game, not who’s going to win. We know the Chargers will win. However, if I were Phil Rivers, I’d stay away from the Black Hole. Hmmm, on second thought cry baby, get real close. Chargers by 28.

Buffalo Bills vs. St. Louis Rams
Another week of the Rams making another mediocre team look like Super Bowl champs. Will Trent Green save the Rams? Nope, he might end up with another concussion, I feel severe mental damage in someone’s future! Face it, we’ll all have to endure another week of lame football “analysts” (former players who barely have enough brain power to hold a microphone and talk at the same time) telling us how great the Bills are after they win by…probably 28.

Washington Redskins vs. Dallas Cowboys
The Redskins are 2-1! But the Cowboys are 3-0. I don’t think Clinton Portis, Jason Campbell or Randel El will be putting up a good fight in big D this week. It bothers me to admit this, but on his worst day I think Romo out performs Jason Campbell. Ok, that’s not true, I watched the Monday night game and I’ve seen Antonio choke two years in a row in the play offs. However, it’s regular season and Tony plays well then. Cowboys by 21.

Philadelphia Eagles vs. Chicago Bears
Back to back losses by 3 for the Bears. Wait, Griese beat you? Orton can’t get it done? Say it aint so! I’m calling for bringing back Rex, as I can think of little that would entertain me more. I think the Bears are getting tired of losing already, and back home in Chicago is the best time to start winning. Before Donovan’s head has a chance to get too fat. Bears by 3, take THAT!

Baltimore Ravens vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
After letting that fat kid from Findlay eat grass all night, will the Steelers offensive line decide to show up this week? Didn’t we learn last year that replacing your offensive line with girl scouts was a bad idea? Regardless, I don’t think some rookie kid is going to blow the Steelers out of the water on Monday night. The Ravens will be embarrassed in Pittsburgh, it pains me to keep picking the Steelers…by 14.

Kansas City Chiefs vs. Atlanta Falcons

Ahh, a game worth missing. Face it, the Chiefs lost to the Raiders…at home. There’s no excuse for that. Atlanta by 10.

Oakland Raiders vs. Buffalo Bills

There’s a lot of things I wish would happen here, like Trent Edwards getting injured just so I can hear JP Losman again…but that won’t happen. I’d also like the Raiders to win so I could stop hearing about how the Bills are going to take the AFC East and be Super Bowl contenders. That won’t happen either (the Raiders winning, or the Bills being Super Bowl contenders). Bills by 14.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Chicago Bears

I knew that Bears win was just a fluke. They turned around and got beat by Carolina. That’s lame, Urlacher. Predicting this win is like playing darts blind folded. I hope Brian Griese wins just to show Lovie that he should’ve kept him and released those other two bozo’s. Le sigh, Chicago is at home though..so while I cheer for the Bucs, Bears by 3.

Carolina Panters vs. Minnesota Vikings

Gus Frerotte? You’re kidding right? He couldn’t fix the Rams last year…I’m just saying. That alone means Carolina by 17.

Miami Dolphins vs. New England Patriots *AFC East*

Tom Brady is still gone blah blah blah. And the Dolphins are still the Dolphins! You can fix a knee..but for some reason Miami can’t fix terrible playing. Besides, Chad Pennington might look like the Patriots MVP! Patriots by 7.

Cincinnati Bengals vs. New York Giants

Oh Magic 8 Ball, will the Bengals beat the Giants at Giants Stadium after starting 0-2? “My sources say no”. Seriously, if the cramps don’t kill them, their running game will. No way do the Bengals beat Eli and his friends (who can actually play defense by the way). Giants by 21. KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE RUN BENGALS. 2 Pro-Bowl receivers and you run Chris Perry up the middle 90% of the game. Seriously.

Houston Texans vs. Tennessee Titans *AFC South*

Well Cincinnati successfully made Kerry Collins look like a superstar and I think Houston will carry on the tradition. No offense Houston, but you’re not really a football powerhouse. Titans by 21.

Arizona Cardinals vs. Washington Redskins

The Cardinals have started 2-0! The Redskins have started 0-2! Buck stops here boys. I bet Clinton Portis is fire spitting mad. I’m betting his rage will carry the Redskins to victory by the small margin of 7 (or less…)

New Orleans Saints vs. Denver Broncos

The Saints should just send a marching band…with plenty of oxygen tanks. New Orleans will be no match Shanahan’s shenanigans. I wish that guy would dress up like a leprechaun, just once..just for me. Broncos by 24.

Detroit Lions vs. San Francisco 49’ers

Well, SF has a win in their pockets, that’s something. And I bet they get another one this week because I have the feeling the Lions won’t perform well on the West Coast. I can’t believe I’m saying this, 49’ers by 7.

St. Louis Rams vs. Seattle Seahawks *NFC West*

This is the game that Seattle needs to get it together. If they lose to the Rams they might as well join the Canadian Football League. Seattle by 20. You won’t even need wide receivers to beat the Rams.

Cleveland Browns vs. Baltimore Ravens *AFC North*

The Ravens have only showcased their talents once this season so far, against the Bengals. Let that be enough. The Browns will steam roll them, and then Jurevicius will rub his MRSA on them. Browns by 14.

Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Indianapolis Colts *AFC South*

This should actually be an exciting game! The Jags are looking for their first win, the Colts are still trying to piece it all together. Eli is coming home with a win this week, so why not Peyton? Colts by 3.

Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Philadelphia Eagles

Coming off of a devastating loss, the Eagles need to bounce back with a win. Why do they NEED to? Because predicting the Steelers to win all the time is giving me a nasty rash. Although cheering for McNabb doesn’t feel much better. Eagles by 14.

Dallas Cowboys vs. Green Bay Packers

Antonio and T.O. are going to Green Bay to drink beer and play football. In that order. I’d like to say that I think Aaron Rogers will start 3-0, but I don’t see it happening. Cowboys by 7.

New York Jets vs. San Diego Chargers

Well, the Chargers have been busy making excuses for why they are 0-2. I get tired of listening to the Chargers make excuses every year for why they are terrible at the beginning of the season and spend the rest of the season fighting for wild card spots. It’s lame, and no one is impressed by you Phil Rivers. However, I’m less impressed by a one-legged unicorn that should’ve stayed retired. Chargers by 17.