Umm, no thanks, I have enough problems without renting Clifton.

Cincinnati news never ceases to amaze me. If they’re not pulling bodies from the river, they are pulling live people from dumpsters. A man claiming to be from West Chester was hiding from the rain in a dumpster in Anderson Township when Rumpkee came to empty said dumpster. Naturally, this man, who was referred to as “the shoeless man”, ended up inside the garbage truck. Luckily Rumpkee’s finest was able to hear the man yelling for help and call 911 for some assistance.

This is about 27 kinds of ridiculous. First, no one from West Chester goes without shoes. They barely go without a Lexus! Even the high school kids tend to have better cars than what I’ve got. Second, Anderson Township is like 30 miles away!! Apparently the man claims to have walked to Anderson Township from a store in Covington, which is only like 27 miles away from West Chester, but still about 25 miles from Anderson. There are no transients in West Chester, the man simply won’t allow it. Finally, he crawled into a dumpster that was behind a convenience store to hide from the rain. Why not just go IN the store? That whole, “No shoes, no shirt, no service”, thing is probably not going to be enforced by the 18 year old kid behind the counter. That kid doesn’t stop theft either. Oh, and when I say “that kid”, I am simply referring to what I would have done if I worked a convenience store counter.

Thankfully our shoeless transient was not injured in the making of this foolish reality. He was apparently checked out and released at a nearby hospital. Released to where? Who knows. However, I hope the next time he’s “hiding from the rain” (aka dumpster diving), I hope he’s wearing shoes at least. Who knows what kinds of garbage is in there…..

“It’s 2008, I can assume she didn’t flee on horseback”. Yeah, see blog posting below. Well guess what, Christopher Crosby, the 25 year old fugitive in Clermont County, IS fleeing on horseback. Apparently he’s believed to be on his third stolen horse at this point, yet our little rhinestone cowboy has yet to get out of Clermont County. He’s believed to be just living in the woods. Sounds like it’s time for residents to stock up on carrots and sugar cubes..then get their pitchforks ready.

In WHY NOT MEEEEE! news, one of the four Butler County inmates who tried to escape from jail last month tried to escape again today. Ok, so the first guy flicks off news cameras, the second guy spits and curses at the judge while his Hamil-tucky family goes crazy in the courtroom, then this guy takes off running through the courthouse and gets tased. He took off down the stairs which leads to the security post which is manned at all times by about 5 sheriff’s deputies, all standing around talking. This escape was not well planned, the closing arguments must have really gotten to him.  As a career juror, I have to tell you, this would have made my day. However, as a human being, I probably would have wet myself if the guy on trial got up and started running. Especially since the exits of the courtrooms require them to run passed the jury. This jury went on to convict this idiot (shocking, I know), and I’m sure this stunt…and the last stunt ..and the 8 counts he was convicted of will really make the judge sympathetic.

I want to know who is writing headlines in this town. No, really..it’s getting out of hand with stupidity. For instance, “Westwood Shooting Victim Taken To Hospital”. Well, where do you suppose we take them, BW3′s? While they might enjoy a tasty cardboard container of wings, that’s probably not on their mind after they got shot. Furthermore, why is a shooting in Westwood news anyways? Even better, in the story of a woman shot in Colerain you’ll find this line, “The woman fired off two shots and then fled in a car,”. It’s 2008, I can assume she didn’t flee on horseback. Unless you have some sort of description of “car” this isn’t helpful information. There’s a lot of people with cars, but not many people fleeing on speckled ponies. You get what I’m saying.

Oh, just by the way, Mt. Adams wants YOU! to help solve their parking dilemma. My solution is to avoid Mt. Adams. Perhaps these people should decrease their level of pretension and spend their $500,000 on a house that has a garage, or at least a driveway. By the way, $500,000 is the low end of the no parking housing in Mt. Adams. Again, the real solution is just to avoid Mt. Adams.

And finally, ridiculous news unrelated to Cincinnati. Pacman Jones no longer wants to be known as “Pacman”. Apparently there’s some “bad stuff” associated with his nickname. He won’t sign autographs as “Pacman” and would prefer to be called Adam or “Mr. Jones”. Seriously? This guy is 24, I won’t be referring to him as Mr. anything…well, maybe Mr. Pacman. Look NFL Diddy, you can change your name a hundred times and you’ll STILL be the same person, and we’ll STILL make fun of you.