the next (former- i promise they are not all related to meijer) awesome: kicking people out of the store. Christmas eve was the only time i ever

enjoyed not only being there, but being there at night. Because at 6:30, you could start trying to herd people like cattle toward the check-outsat 7 you could just flat out tell them to leave. It was the one time I could be myself and not have a chance of getting fired, as if meijer wasever going to fire me..but whateva.

i distinctly remember one year this guy refused to leave, we literally had to threaten to call the police. this guy was like “i aint leavin’ cause i don’t celebrate christmas and i need stuff”. now, i’m guessing by i don’t celebrate christmas he meant i celebrate kwanza if that gives you an idea of what was going on. this guy was trying to wreck havoc on our easy-listening parade!! we were furious. i mean, they don’t turn that junky santa baby off until all the “guests” leave. and honestly..calling them guests..a guest is someone i would have to my house. a person who throws old coupons all over the place, leaves their trash all over the shelves and climbs on things is NOT someone i would have to my house..therefore, the word “guest” was being used a little too liberally for me.

my last christmas at meijer was beautiful. the acting store manager wouldn’t make the announcement that the store was closing, and i was annoyed
because there was a mob of people coming in the door and it was like 6:45. so, as he walks by i say “are you going to announce that we are closing?” and he is like “why? they’ll leave..” Appalled I say “you have worked here longer than i have been alive, now you KNOW they aren’t going to leave unless you tell them to go.” to spite me he replies “then you make the announcement”. And I did….and it was magical. i put my friendly voice on and announced that we would be closing at 7. then, i began the countdown till i could be rude. the night i was permitted to say “you need to leave, because i have a family and i don’t like you” was the most beautiful night of my life…memories, le sigh.

oh..and i don’t promise multiple postings a day every day..so don’t get used to it..just savor the moments

The 10th Awesome of Christmas

this used to be an awesome, but since i haven’t had a Christmas in 7 years without this feeling i’m using it anyways so just enjoy it.

being at meijer when that horrible Christmas music finally stops.

there’s something about hearing 14 different versions of white christmas intersperesed with santa claus (satan claus) is coming to town, santa baby, some song about frosted windowpanes & some other song about wanting to wash your hands and face in snow, that makes a person HATE christmas music.

then there’s the added annoyance of being yelled at because all of the christian christmas songs (silent night, away in a manger, oh holy night etc) are music only, no words. yes, liberals & their political correctness have managed to even ruin christmas. so people yell at me as if it’s my fault fred meijer is a stingy, God-hating scrooge?! look pal, my christmas bonus consists of a family picture of fred & the boys and a $5 coupon for a ham..i know the man is a scrooge, i don’t need you to inform me.

when the christmas music finally stopped and we were back to our easy listening tunes my cosmic balance was realigned. i grabbed my clearance gun and orange stickered the crap out of those cheesy gift sets while i rocked out to toad the wet sprocket. it was the highlight of the retail season.

although, they have added auld lang syne this year it would STILL not make working there a wonderful life.