I do not understand this trend of pre-distressed jeans. Being a person who: a) doesn’t grow (upwards or outwards), b) has no money & c) is not cool, I am NOT going to pay for jeans that someone (probably an 8 year old working for quarters) has torn up. Excuse me Juan Diaz, go back to the playground..Distressing my jeans is my job. My jeans will be distressed over time, at my own leisure. And by over time, I mean I have a pair of perfectly distressed jeans that I’ve been working diligently on since 1996. No, I’m not joking, I own a pair of jeans that I’ve had since the beginning of 9th grade. Sadly, they are bordering on indecent as one of the back pockets is threatening to show my underwear any second now, and this makes my heart sad because they are the perfect jeans and I can’t just get rid of them.

Back to my original rant: why would I buy jeans that already have holes in them? I mean, even my distressed jeans are only shredded at the bottom! I don’t wear jeans with holes all over the legs. I think these jeans are reserved for girls who are willing to shave their legs in the winter…sorry guys, there’s a reason we wear pants. Why would I want holy pants in the cold weather? What irritates me further is that the pre-distressed jeans are the ones that fit the best, and I can’t even smile for jeans that fit me when they have holes all over the place. I’m not 80′s enough for holy jeans.

yes, this is an honest posting about shoes. what is this trend with boots? who wants furry boots…with pants tucked into them?! personally, i am not a fan of boots of any kind. I don’t like shoes that come above my ankles. However, if your pants are tucked into your boots..you look dumb..jessica simpson.
also, wearing boots with mini skirts or shorts or something that is not pants and shows off the bootieness of your boots. and yes, i did just say that…so love it.

pointy shoes. i think this speaks for itself. when i see pointy shoes i immediately think of the wizard of oz, when the house fell on the wicked witch of the east and her feet were pointy right before they curled up under the house. therefore i refer to them as witch shoes and cannot figure out how people can get their feet into them.

heels…i don’t like heels. i hate wearing heels. i want to drive the heel through the eye of the person who invented heels. they are not comfortable and they turn women into liars. i was at a wedding once and a guest made a comment about the bride saying “she’s tall..i didn’t realize she was so tall”. she’s not turd wad, she’s wearing at least 2 inch heels…she’s not tall, she’s a liar. i wasn’t willing to sacrifice comfort to not be dwarfed by my husband on my wedding day. i had to wear heels in my brother’s wedding (chris picked the shoes) and i was not comfortable. which is why i let my bridesmaids pick their own shoes, because a) i want them to be comfortable and b) who cares about feet..no one is looking at the bridesmaids or their feet.