The Bengals and the Cowboys return from bye’s this week. The Bucs and the Redskins do too, but they’re less entertaining to mock. The Unicorn posted a win over the Patriots this week (?!) further proving this season is a crap shoot.

Denver Broncos vs. Atlanta Falcons
This goes against all common sense, but I’m choosing the Falcons. They are superb at home this season and the Broncos have to learn to play at a normal altitude. This doesn’t look promising for Jay Cutler.

Minnesota Vikings vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
B-O-R-I-N-G! I’m inclined to choose the Buccaneers because they are 6-3 and the Vikings can’t even be on top of the mediocre NFC North. Beating Detroit isn’t something to brag about.

Baltimore Ravens vs. New York Giants
11 weeks ago this game also sounded boring. The Ravens were coming off a season of bad QB decisions and it seemed their offense only took the field to fill up space, 3 and out anyone? The Ravens have decided that offense is no longer optional (and got rid of ole’ Brian..nice job). However, the Giants only loss this season has come out of the AFC North. I know, the Browns…horrible. However, you KNOW who I choose. GIANTS!

Oakland Raiders vs. Miami Dolphins
This match up would’ve been so awesome last year, you know, when Miami couldn’t beat themselves. Well, this season they are winning and proving grumpy old Parcels can stop a train wreck. Perhaps Oakland or Cincinnati should wave money in his face. Miami will win, Raiders fans will continue to stab each other.

New Orleans Saints vs. Kansas City Chiefs
The Chiefs can’t even get out of their own way long enough to make it to the end zone. Then they have a chance to tie a game and they choose to go for two..for the win! Dismal. Saints have it easy this week.

Detroit Lions vs. Carolina Panthers
Well, the Lions continue their quest for perfect failure this week, I imagine they’ll be successful. Carolina barely even needs to take the field.

Philadelphia Eagles vs. Cincinnati Bengals
Ugh, I hate that I have to choose Donovan McNabb to win. It burns in my throat. Fitzy is starting to figure out being an NFL quarterback, but with a week off I don’t think the Bengals will come out strong. Sigh.

Chicago Bears vs. Green Bay Packers
Well, Rexie blew it for the Bears last week..typical. Kyle expects to be back this week, but I expect the Bears to lose. I think the Packers might be getting tired of losing and might start fighting. Plus, they’re playing at home. Kyle doesn’t get to do the leap.

Houston Texans vs. Indianapolis Colts
The Texans don’t have a chance. They should just stay home and drink heavily this week…wait, that might be more appropriate for Detroit.

St. Louis Rams vs. San Francisco 49′ers
The 49′ers really dropped the ball against Arizona. I actually expect them to win this one,  because I don’t think St. Louis can bring their A game..or B game…maybe a C game to the west coast.

Arizona Cardinals vs. Seattle Seahawks
Matty is back! I’m not sure this spells a win for the Seahawks but it certainly improves their chances. What the heck, I always bet against the Cardinals and Qwest is the loudest field ever, I’m not sure Kurt can turn his hearing aids up loud enough.

Tennessee Titans vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
The Jags lost to the Bengals, do I think they’ll beat Tennessee? Nope, but I do think it’ll be a game worth watching.

San Diego Chargers vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
While I don’t enjoy Mike Tomlin, I’m glad the NFL P. Diddy called that Fat Kid out for not practicing after the sloth pretty much threw the game away last week. I don’t think Phil Rivers is going to bring a win on the road though, sadly..I wish I did believe it though.

Dallas Cowboys vs. Washington Redskins
Two rested teams coming back, Tony will take the band-aid off that paper cut and we’ll see how he does. I think the Cowboys will win, because they don’t have a choice. T.O. is on the verge of another media breakdown and old Wade won’t be happy.

Cleveland Browns vs. Buffalo Bills
Who schedule THIS for Monday night? Glad I’ll be working. The Bills are totally going to blow the Browns away.

You know, because they don’t play. The same goes for the Cowboys. Antonio can finally have that paper cut heal for next week. I also apologize for not posting about the beginning of the Brady Quinn era or most importantly Derrick Anderson’s SHOCK! over being benched. You know, because if my job performance was that bad not only would people die, but I would probably be fired. Be lucky you’re still employed in this economy, Anderson…ingrate.

New Orleans Saints vs. Atlanta Falcons
This game meant nothing 10 weeks ago. It wasn’t even worth mentioning. However, now that the Falcons have proved they can win games and have put that Joey Herrington/Byron Leftwich mistake behind them, this game is mildly more exciting than brushing my dog. I’m actually picking New Orleans this week and by the way, I’m done predicting scores because I never even bother to look at the score and let’s face it, neither do you.

Tennessee Titans vs. Chicago Bears
Hmmm, let’s see…the Titans are undefeated AND Rexie gets the start. No brainer. After this loss I expect to hear Kyle Orton crying about how he could have played this week. Oh, and to the girl with the “Rexy still sexy” picture…gross. Go Titans!

Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Detroit Lions
The Jags must bounce back from their loss to the Bengals. Ouch…that hurt. Meanwhile Detroit is…..typical Detroit. Kitna is out…and that guy who replaced Kitna is out..and they brought in Daunte Culpepper to solve their problems. Yep, I look for Joey Herrington to make a return too. Jags all the way.

Baltimore Ravens vs. Houston Texans
Finally! You know I’ve been waiting all season for this game, darn that Hurricane Ike! Heh, that’s funny. Old Sage is back which means Joe Flacco Superstar will be getting the win this week. Ugh, Baltimore.

Seattle Seahawks vs. Miami Dolphins
With Seneca Wallis at the helm what could go wrong? Everything. Just like the Seahawks season, down the toilet. This game is about as exciting as an episode of OW! My Balls! Go Miami.

Green Bay Packers vs. Minnesota Vikings
Oooo, a division game! Yeah, I’m not real excited either. I kind of thought that the Vikings gave up when they put Gus Frerotte back in. However, the Vikings are at .500. I don’t foresee them being 5-4 after this game. Go Packers!

Buffalo Bills vs. New England Patriots
Patriots all the way. I’m so over the Bills, I’m glad the announcers seem to be getting over them too. Patriots!

St. Louis Rams vs. New York Jets
The Rams looked like they were making a turn around with those amazing two wins, but proving they were just a fluke their record is 2-6. The Jets are…5-3? Further proving this is some sort of football apocalypse. Magical Unicorn for the win!

Carolina Panthers vs. Oakland Raiders
Panthers win. The End. PS – John McCain is a Raiders Fan….HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This may or may not be worse than Obama the Steelers fan.

Indianapolis Colts vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Fat Kid is a game time decision. Which means he’s going to play, but Mike Tomlin is afraid of a freak motorcycle accident or gall bladder attack this afternoon. Meanwhile, the always awesome Peyton will be playing. Which only means one thing, Colts win.

Kansas City Chiefs vs. San Diego Chargers
The Chiefs can’t even get out of their own way! I mean, the Chargers lost to New Orleans in London but we can blame the excessive rain and time change. Chargers all the way.

New York Giants vs. Philadelphia Eagles
Well, here’s a no brainer. I’ve never been shy about my hatred towards Donovan McNabb and his whining. I’ve also not been shy about my love of Eli and his inability to talk. Giants!

San Francisco 49′ers vs. Arizona Cardinals
Do they put the 49′ers on MNF so that we can all laugh at them on the national stage? I mean, they are terrible every year and still get Monday night games? Lame. Kurt Warner..go old! Cardinals FTW!

Why is it that last year after just 4 weeks all we heard about was how amazing the Patriots looked and this season, the Titans are undefeated and it’s as if no one even noticed?

New York Jets vs. Buffalo Bills
Ugh. That’s how I feel about both of these teams. Trent Edwards will be struggling to scramble because he has a sore ankle, Brett Favre will be struggling to scramble simply because he’s old. The Bills are doubtful to lose two division games in a row, which makes my heart hurt. Bills by 10.

Detroit Lions vs. Chicago Bears
The Lions are the only team that could possibly be worse than the Bengals, leading us to ask is Rudi Johnson the kiss of death? The Lions haven’t won a game yet this season and I don’t anticipate them winning one this week either. Even if Rex plays. Bears by 24.

Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Cincinnati Bengals
I’m starting to wonder what the purpose of bringing back Chris Henry A.K.A. “Alligator Arms” was. I mean, he doesn’t make any catches, and pretty much doesn’t even try unless he thinks he’s going to get a touchdown. Of course, the Bengals have like 19 receivers on the field at any given time and still choose to run the ball. Will they win this week? That’s a no. Jacksonville can send in their third string and still win by 10.

Baltimore Ravens vs. Cleveland Browns
I still can’t believe Troy Smith isn’t playing. However, against the Browns, Joe Flacco’s mom could probably play and look decent. The Ravens will take another game from the Browns this week, probably by 14.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Kansas City Chiefs
The Chiefs are terrible. I’m completely dumbfounded how they have won a game! They won’t win another one this week though. Buccaneers by 7.

Houston Texans vs. Minnesota Vikings
The Texans are on a huge winning streak, they’ve beat 3 terrible teams in a row!! Perhaps they’ll get to continue their streak and up their game by beating a slightly less than mediocre team this week in Minnesota! Texans by 7.

Arizona Cardinals vs. St. Louis Rams
Here’s two teams who gave no business winning games! Who would’ve thought both of these teams would have better records than the Seahawks in the NFC West? I’m going to pick the Cardinals this week because Kurt Warner hearts St. Louis, and they heart him. Cards by 14.

Green Bay Packers vs. Tennessee Titans
Again, the Titans are undefeated. The Packers are…defeated. There won’t be any cheesehead winnings this week. After beating the Colts last week, the Titans are probably unstoppable for a few weeks more at least. Kerry Collins is really taking this quarterbacking thing seriously! Titans by 7.

Miami Dolphins vs. Denver Broncos
I have no faith in the Dolphins, I don’t care who they beat on a fluke this season! The Broncos can be counted on at least 50% of the time, and I think the Dolphins will be too busy gasping for air at Mile High this week to win. Denver by 10.

Dallas Cowboys vs. New York Giants
That right finger still plagues the Cowboys. Antonio probably holds T.O. after the games and they cry together. No way do the Cowboys beat the Giants in New York with a back up QB. That and I only cheer for the Giants in the NFC East. Giants by 17.

Atlanta Falcons vs. Oakland Raiders
I don’t know what has gotten into the Falcons this season, but Matt Ryan is like the second coming of Michael Vick…minus that dog drama…and being the QB/leading rusher. What I’m really saying is, getting rid of Joey Herrington and Byron Leftwich is the greatest thing to happen to this franchise in a few years. The Raiders are still…the Raiders. Although they may have quit actually trying to lose, they’ll just lose trying this week. Falcons by 10.

Philadelphia Eagles vs. Seattle Seahawks
The Seahawks don’t have a chance. Old Matty is still out (and can’t walk on his heels, yay nerve injury!), Seneca Wallis isn’t even a real quarterback (Charlie Frye is, proving how terrible his is..they STILL won’t let him play). Brian Westbrook could just rest it this week and let someone else play, it won’t matter. Eagles by 17.

New England Patriots vs. Indianapolis Colts
This is another game that was a lot more exciting before both teams turned up only mediocre. Typically I’m ok with mediocre, except when it comes in the forms of two teams that should be 6-1 at least. Will Matt Cassel look like a super star? Will staph eat off Peyton’s leg before half time? When it all comes down to it, the Patriots are the more beat up team this week and given the home field advantage, I’m choosing the Colts by 7.

Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Washington Redskins
The Steelers are learning 101 ways to blow their season. I mean, if it wasn’t for the fact that the rest of the AFC North is terrible, they wouldn’t be 5-2. Being 5-2 is sort of like being the best of the crappy teams. Meanwhile, the NFC East started as a pretty tough division. Like I’d pick the Steelers if I didn’t have to…they blew it last week against the Giants and I assume they’ll blow it again this week too…Redskins by 10.