Let’s make no bones about this, I hate group work. In my previous academic life I was always paired with one of two anal retentive numpties. It made me want to lose an eye. In my latest group work endeavor we were told to pair up and choose a nursing theorist on which we were to present. I chose my partner because she’s really nice, she wears converse, knows her celebrity gossip and most importantly, she was sitting right next to me. Behold the power of convenience!

My partner and I decided that we would pick our theorist based on who had the coolest name on the list. Shortly thereafter we realized that our group was pretty much Slackers Unite! We briefly considered brushing each other’s hair for the 45 minute required time and then asking “Any questions?�?, we also discussed ending our presentation with, “San Dimas high school football rules!�?. Then we sucked it up and walked to the library, checked out books and articles that we had no intention of really reading and hastily threw together what we found to be a delightful presentation. It came complete with an easy to read handout and even a Nursing Choose Your Own Adventure book. Yeah, we took it back old school stylee. To make it more low-tech, once we heard that a power point wasn’t required, it was like a get out of jail free card. We’re minimalists, we went by the grading rubric; no more, no less, that’s the slacker way!

Our classmates were required to fill out evaluations of our presentation and I personally found some of the comments wildly amusing. For your reading pleasure:

“Very good looking�? – well duh, I mean look at us! But thanks

“Very brave of them not to rely on a power point presentation�? – That’s us, full of courage. Again, we’re minimalists

“Interesting storytelling format�? – We like story time

“Would like to see a picture of Peplau, I’m a visual person�? – Trust us, we’ve seen a picture of her, we were sparing you

“Could be more ways to involve the audience�? – Sorry, we were too busy envisioning you in your underwear.

“Beautiful reference list�? – Why thank you, we thought so

“fine�? – fine? What’s fine?

“Made it as interesting as it could have been�? – We’re glad you were as bored as we were. Mission accomplished

“good�? – what? What’s good?

“Sara and Nicole make a great team�? – Well, we are delightful. Is this where we high five?

“I would have liked to have the handout at the beginning of the presentation�? – Sorry kids, this is our domain where we our class master. You will have the handout when I say so.

And my personal favorite: “choose your own = nice�? -Yeah, we thought so too

Ps – we got an A. WITHOUT THE POWER POINT!

In the last 5 months I’ve gone from being a freshmen to a junior in college (again, woo! for accelerated programs) and the main thing I’ve learned has nothing to do with fecal matter or catheterizing your mom. That, by the way, is very anticlimactic. The main thing I’ve learned is that college is just one more way to treat “adults” like junior highers. If you aren’t agreeing either you’ve never been to college or you’re not paying attention.

Allow me to enlighten you, let us count the ways:

#1 – Attendance policies
I am NOT a fan of attendance policies. NOT because it prevents me from skipping class, I pay good money for these classes and I haven’t skipped class for anything other than a migraine in a long time. What irritates me about attendance policies is that professors contradict themselves and say, “You’re all adults here, you can choose what to do.” No I can’t, not if you’re telling me I have to be here. Don’t tell me I’m an adult and then turn around and send me back to the 8th grade. If I’m such an adult, then allow me to make a choice. The best part is, I’m in an adult program where professors tell us everyday that they love us so much more than those 18 year olds because we actually care. Apparently we don’t care enough to avoid attendance policies.

#2 – Busy work
For the love of all that’s terrific, why on Earth do I need to sit in a group and pick out the dependent and independent variables in a research statement. Is someone kidding me? Why don’t we just sit in a circle and fingerpaint!? Literally, I had a worksheet in class last week, which is utterly ridiculous in and of itself (perhaps it’s ridiculous that I’m a professional student..but we’re not addressing that issue today so shut it haters), but there was a worksheet in which I was to identify which studies were quantitative and which were qualitative. W.H.O. C.A.R.E.S.? Any takers? That’s what I thought. I’m here to learn, that’s why I showed up (NOT because of your lame attendance policy) so feed my brain and stop giving me worksheets.

#3 This is NOT my job
It’s not. Let’s get one thing straight, I don’t pay to go to work, they pay me to show up. A job is what I have so that I can afford to eat. Higher education is voluntary. I am in no way obligated to pursue this land of academia, it’s a choice. It’s not my job, it’s not going to be the main focus in my life. I do what I need to get by and I’m not going to join any stupid student clubs just to boost my resume’.

All of this really makes me eager to get out there in the real world, and have a job, where they tell me when to show up, when to leave, when to eat lunch and how many days I’m allowed to take off work. Then they’ll cram paperwork up my cramhole and all I’m going to think is, “People are dying and you’re worried about how many times Mrs. X wet her bed today?” Perhaps it’s Life: One more way to treat adults like junior highers……is it time to retire yet?